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Empodera Latina
Empodera Latina

Season 1, Episode · 3 years ago

Self Love & All that with Dr. Sanchita Bose & Dr. Divya Ajay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Incredibly humbled to launch the first episode of this podcast by engaging in story time with my two dear friends, Urology Surgeons Dr. Sanchita Bose and Dr. Divya Ajay. We dive into our personal journey of Self Love and what that mean as women in 2019.  --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rita-bautista/message

You're listening to empowerment and all that. PODCAST, your favorite podcast for women's empowerment, hosted by RITABOUTISTA. It's time to be reminded of the authority of your inner goddess and elevate the power within. Are you ready? Hey, guys, this is read Aboutista and this is the first episode of my podcast and I'm here with two of my favorite friends, San Cheeta and diva. They're both extremely amazing, empowering women who are just living badasses. So I'm going to let them do a quick little intro about themselves and then we're going to dive into some loving yourself for this episode. Yes, I moved to Houston last summer and have the joy of living with diva and meeting Rita, and I've learned a lot about myself this year, especially a lot about loving yourself and empowerment, and I'm excited to be a part of this reading stream. Thank you. I am five, am out of work, up very empowering itself. Oh, and I obviously they're very grateful, but I am as too, in the journey of five to love myself and I'm trying to get there, and readers like quotes and like I think she says like great, inspiring. So I'm like looking forward to this episode. Oh, that's great. So I'm excited. So I know you guys probably noticed I've been posting a positive quotes on my instagram and some people have asked why I've been doing this consistently for it's going to be three hundred sixty five days by the time I'm done, but I think I'm actually just going to extend it and maybe branch off and do its own thing, but I'm not sure yet. So the purpose for why I did that actually is kind of grounded in a lot of self love and self understanding, and I started on this journey about four or five years ago. I had a pretty traumatic, couple traumatic incidents that kept happening, one that started with grieving once my grandmother passed away, and then just other things that started to spiral. I got into some pretty toxic relationships with people that didn't end up working out, and so after that I realized it was about time to wake up. And when I woke up I was like, Oh my God, I've wasted all this time on not focusing on myself and not putting like the attention and the love that I needed that I was putting in other people. I was giving it to them and I was draining myself of what I needed in order to be the person that was, you know, a little bit more confident and just like outgoing. So so that was my purpose for why I started doing the instagram posts. And the other reason is because when I was going through my things, I would always turn to like the hashtags on Instagram, and so I felt like it was my little return or my thank you back to the world for what I was getting out of the messages that other people were posting too. So yeah, so that's my little thing. So what of your most like the most the message I got the most responses so far and like just gotta touched a lot of people. Oh Wow, it's funny. I posted one on Sunday and I have kind of been doing these little like tests to to see what actually gets more reactions out of people, and the one for Sunday was don't forget to rest it so like don't forget to give yourself a day like a Sunday or whatever. And it was my Sunday. I literally like I was resting, but I had also like I hadn't did my hair, whatever, my makeup, and I posted the photo and I was I wasn't sure if it was because of the actual message that I put behind it, but...

...underneath I put my little caption and I was like, you know, watch that reality show, read that book, lay on the grass, like give yourself a minute, because we are so focused on going, going, going, and we're so career and goal oriented it sometimes we forget that it's okay to give ourselves that one day to just get back to ourselves and just replenish our energy. So that was probably one of the most, I guess, liked or the most engagement that I've gotten on on posts. Yeah, but it's interesting. I get more text messages from friends now who are like, thank you so much for what you posted. I've been watching you every day. I have a professor of mine from college who's been following me every single day and she makes it, makes it a point to like write something and it's just like you know, I'm following you on this journey like and it's pretty empowering. It reminds me that now it's no longer about me, it's more about like making sure that I have that purpose that I started off with was like more thanking everybody for the messages that I was receiving and just, you know, returning them back. It's like there's so much like negativity on social media and even if they the post themselves on our negative you can make them negative for yourself by like comparing yourself to like some life or and being like, Oh my God, their lives is so perfect, like Oh oh, they have this perfect boyfriend with the perfect job and perfect, you know, perfect like life, and I don't, but it's like so rare to find that like inspiration, to find that positivity on social media. It's like it's really nice. Kind of piggybacking off of that thread, I was thinking, you know, whenever I look at you, and I have known you for this past year and you know, I know we all have our things going on, but really you really do embody that empowerment, that self love. But I know, you know, you said you weren't always there. So what what kind of made you wake up or where did you kind of start getting that inspiration? Yes, and their selves. Yeah, that's a great question. I think what's interesting is is sometimes one of the hardest things in the world is to turn the Mirror on ourselves and really kind of just do this self reflection of what's really going on. And sometimes it's not necessarily always the other person. Sometimes there are some things that we are doing that are not healthy to ourselves. I mean, I was drinking way too much, I was not focusing on getting just simple tasks completed. I was, you know, dating the wrong people. And I'm not saying that they were the wrong they're bad people, they just weren't the right people for me and I knew it. But I knew that that combativeness was what I what. I appreciate it at that moment and it just was what I needed to kind of mask whatever else was going on with me. And so I mean, and I'm talking about like I've gone through therapy, which I am a number one supporterer of therapy for any yeah, right, for anybody who just feels like there is something that is inside of you that you maybe you can't explain, or just emotions that you can't really communicate to other people because not because you don't know any better, but just like more or less, because how's that to you? But you know, I mean it gives you that ability to just kind of talk going to say space, but not just even the safe space, the ability to really listen to yourself reflect. Yeah, so that helped. But I think the last Straw for me on myself was my reflection on a toxic relationship that I had and I was just like wow, not just was that person plastic for me, I was being extremely toxic to that person and to myself, you know, but but out it just it was like a light ball that went off and I was like all of this that's gone on, it needs to stop immediately, like it has to stop right now. Just need to clean this in a yeah, and get it going in a part of it started with me, like moving from New Orleans. I moved here with like I literally sold every single piece of furniture,...

...everything. If I could have come here with like the shirt off my back, I probably would have been mind with that. Like I literally needed to start fresh and new and like new career, new life. Knew everything, like it was like New Year, knew me kind of thing, and and it really, I don't know, it became just like that something that I knew I needed to continue growing on. And so yeah, that's, you know, that's kind of what my thing is. But I want to I want to know what do you guys do personally for your own moments of self love, like how do you show yourself love? Yeah, Joa, okay. Well, for me, I think a lot of it. My big thing, and I'm glad you know you brought that up, is I have a lot of negative of self talk. I like the the negative talk it that's going on in my brain all the time. Like so, you know, we're when I'm at work, I'm in the ore, you know, like I'm there's just constantly you can't do this, Oh, like, oh, you can't do this as well as another person can do it. So I think for me, just taking the time out to not be in that space, to meditate. I started meditating this year and a huge and not stress how amazing, is just try to turn all of that chatter off, just the chatter. And then, you know, for me a huge part of it is being active and going for a walk around the block, when going for a walk with reader, going to our classes, you know, I just need to turn that chatter that's going on in my brain off, and then a lot of it is reformatting. Meditation, I feel like, lets you refocus your energy and that, and I started doing this a lot, you know, last year, my last year of residency in the operating room, I was like when I was scrubbing, I'd be like you got this, you got this, but it sounds so silly, but it just the the going over the mantras in your head and it's just that chatter. I just need to turn it off and I think meditation really helps, and just being active and moving and being outside of my head. Yeah, there's on way strong and I feel like when I do those things it's really good. But I'm still, like, I think, in a phase when I'm like learning self, though, you know, it's like, yeah, something that's they like a routine part of my life. It's not something I like think a lot. But I don't know, like why, why do we get into like toxic relationships and like how we like, how do we identify them and how do we like get out? Well, I want to so, I don't want to change the subject. I want to say, coming from from your side of Ativia, like, and I think you mean toxic relationship ships with other people. But when I came into this roommate situation with diva, I would every day I'd come back would be like wow, I just can't do this case, I can't do this, I can't do that, and Divya has always been like no saying, Cheetah, you're so good. I was in the R with you. You could do this. And so some of us we can have a talk. Why do we do a toxic relationship with ourselves? Right me, you absolutely and Thybe, I think you and not to say like I'm not trying to sprame your experience or anything, but I think that's something that you do very well. You know, maybe if you have toxic relationship with other people, but with yourself, I think you're like you can do the stuff that you do at work. I'm always using work as an example. Yeah, big part of our lives. I mean fifteen years we just thought that's like she's she's such a boss. You know, you're such a boss and you make me feel better because one of my toxic relationships is with myself, you know, with all that chatter. But yes, why do we get into those relationships? I think some of it is, you know, we need to learn, and I think I've learned a lot about my own relationship with my self this year. But I want to bless? No, go ahead, I mean that's what we're here for, right, is to really I mean, I think that's a good it's a very good question. I think so. Sometimes, or at least from what my personal therapy journey was, right like for me, it a lot of it was deep rooted in my childhood and how I was brought...

...up and how I was raised and how I was being talked to as a child, and so I thought that it was normal for those conversations to happen with myself, with relationships, and so, in order to seek comfort, I would find people who would also offer me that same toxicity, because it allows for that level of comfort that I was used to as a child. And what I realized is that it's the complete opposite for what I need personally in my life. Like the last thing I need is a person that's going to make me feel like I'm nuts. I know I'm crazy, but everybody has some crazy. But you, you know, finding that person who matches your crazy level is what makes you balance right, like that person who can help you plan or you know, or just like you said, I mean it's this self love, like trying to shut the negative talk off it's not easy, but but it's like pushing through that to know that there's something bigger on the other side, and just that's kind of how I try because, I mean, there are days where I want to, you know, I want to quit, I want to staff on one and whatever, and and it's because I'm having this internal conflict with myself, like the biggest battle that you'll ever have in this world is with me, myself, and I because hear that poor I believe. Yeah, it's like, you know, it's really like the toxic relationship sometimes come from this spaces that we are in in that moment when we meet these people, which kind of sucks to say that. Yeah, because it's really that's it's a tough pill to swallow sometimes because you just like, Oh man, that's that's hard. But the good thing is is, once you realize that, there are opportunities for you to see, okay, these are the things that don't suit me, so I need to stay away from that kind of thing. Not necessarily red flag, but more or less if I feel like my energy is being pulled away from me or if this isn't something that suited me or it makes me feel more uncomfortable than maybe this isn't something that works for me. My father says that, you know, he feels like the world is a kind of a reflection of who you are, and he's like you can create the world that you want to be in, and I feel that way. I want my car and something's like, i's just stupid things, but I I like dread that car. Yeah, being yeah, like it was like nowhere, I could not find a car that I lived at all, and then one of the others, this is a color I want, this is the type of car I want, and I'd like magically, up here on a car BA website, I'm either doing boy and feels every really get fit. But then it's also like I take that around and I'm like embarrassed that these are the kind of man that I would like created. That like I'm like attracted do all like that. I would like projecting into the world where like I can't like, you know, create like the way I created my car, a partner, I like a companion that's like a good fit, you know, but I mean a car. You know, it's and I know like for me it's like for John Cars, like it's it's it's a companion, but for me my car is my companion right now. I totally feel that manifestation on but uh, but you know, cars is very different from a human being, right and and a human being comes with their own baggage and all that, all their own emotions, all their own self toxicity or whatever they come with. So it's I don't think it's a reflection of you at all, Divia. If you are in a relationship that's toxic, I don't think that's necessarily a reflection on you. That's also reflection of this other person. You know, they're bringing their own stuff into this relationship, you know, and so it's not as simple as this car who won't talk to you and will go wherever you tell it to. You know, can or do I, like a man, will do that. My dog barely listens to me. Something my car, not that you put it like that. Yeah, but I don't think that you should necessarily take that as a reflection just purely of you.

You're not the only one showing up to a relationship. Absolutely, yeah, and that's that's definitely a very big point. You know, there are always going to be two people and in those two people there are a bunch of different things on both sides. Yeah, but just as you manifested your vehicle into your life, you continue thinking about that thing that you love about yourself the most that you also want to be reflected in the person that you want coming into your life, and that promise you, it's going to come. Like it's interesting that you brought that up about like, Oh, I thought about this car, I manifested it into my life. I feel like, as much as people think it's crazy, manifesting is such a huge part of our lives. Daydreaming, believing in these things that that we are it's like it really does create what your life looks like, and so if you continue to seek that person that's going to fit you, that person's going to come. Like I guarantee you that in a couple of years we're all going to be sitting here probably doing a recab of our five year reunion of this and we're all really like, you guys, remember when we were like talking about this and look where we are now. Yeah, you know, like, and I think apart of it also is just having faith in that process and having faith in that. Why do people believe, and I'm not going to try to go down that route. But you know, people believe in you know something and you know a higher power or you know, even if you're not religious, something spiritual, there's a reason to believe in that. You know, it's just about having faith, you know. Yeah, but you know, and this is sound really and this is my own fault. So for a long time I was putting a lot of pressure on wanting a relationship and trying to be in a relationship, so much that I think that also led to a lot of my personal downfalls and relationships, because I wanted that supplement to my life so much that I was in allowing myself to unfocus on that part. Like I think there's an interesting balance with people, and I don't know why, and this is just my own personal perspective, whether it's tried by science, who knows, but I feel like with everything else, you can be razor sharp focused right, like you guys became doctors, or you were focused on I'm going to be a physician, I'm going to be a surgeon, and here I am. You know in that happens, right, but when we super hyper focus on people, they also feel that energy is like pressure. Have you guys. Ever felt that from somebody else in return, where you feel that like this person wants me too much, I'm just going to push them away a little bit. Yeah, like it's almost like you have to let that flow naturally for that true be something that comes in. So it's like focus on it, but give it some room to make the best. Like, I don't know, it's an interesting balance that I've found, at least for me, whenever I was like, Oh, I love this person, I want this person to be it, and it was just like Oh yeah, yeah, that's not the person exactly, and it's just and that doesn't end. I think it's just any sort of human relationships like that, like you've been for example, with my brother, like you know, after growing up, you know, I felt very mother or mom wasn't really around, and so I felt very mothering to him and then at eighteen years agay, I was like, I want him to do with things a certain way, I want him to you know, and he's his own person. Finally, eighteen years of age, my brother and I have a relationship. Now, thirty three, but he's thirty two, but at eighteen years of age he's like, you're not my mom and I'm tired of be treating me like this, you know, and then that's that, that getting him feeling that pressure that whole time. I mean this, anytime there's any human relationships, be the romantic sibling anything, you know, like someone who can who ask, who's bringing their own personality the table and who's bring their own baggage to the table. There there's going to be there's going to be a back and forth. So something that can't be forced stuff.

It's part of that. Yeah. So, yeah, what if you guys, what would you say has been? So we're in mark May of two thousand and nineteen. Would have been the most positive events that you've had this year so far? Oh, I, I watch. I want like a five hundred research awards. What relation, bossly? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's yeah, I like, I like very much, like you look forward to, like rewards like which, you know, I it's really shouldn't be that way. Like, if you like, why not? Why isn't like going to work and doing what we do is a reward, you know, like being able to take care of the people we take care of, like just having the opportunity like do this itself should be like amazing and reward as someone in also in this field, though it can be an extremely thanks sometimes very thankful as task. You know, yeah, your residency, right. So when you get some to me, I like look up to Divi as like the ultimate like academic person. So that a fact that you like, the fact that you like got something, like you've been my like mentor of this whole year. You don't we have the fact that you got a word. You deserve that by like that. You know. No, it felt really good, but then I was like is this what I'm doing? All the words to be silly, like, you know, like Oh, go's a piece of paper. I want to don't you know? I mean like it's it's like a bigger, you know, picture like that, like whose life have I changed by like you know what I mean. All those people, right, I think reflect all those people that you helped. You. I mean, sure they're really think about like that. I think that's a very, very amazing trait about you, honestly, for you to sit here and say I won this award and it was great that I got rewarded, but at the same time, like what's the bigger thing of this, like what is there behind that, like that's very that's actually really big on self love. It's like you're so you love yourself at the same time, but you're pretty selfless in the sense where you can get back and also say, okay, I mean I got this reward and yeah, I'm excited, but what is that? How did this help other yeah, I mean do even the research I do. I word, make check difference. That's not self love. Okay, you know, I think people like the candid moments. anyways. Yeah, no, but you know that it's a great thing that you got that award and you will be changing lives, even though you don't believe that, that you are your virgo. You have to change lives. It's part of our horoscope that Vigo's always come in second. Probably that's a thing. You don't worry about being first, because we're always come thick and would would be happy and sick and okay, thank you. Yeah, that our second to be. Yeah, one thing I've noticed that I like started doing this year, which I really like. He's like, I'm not trying to be first, I'm not trying to be like the best, if there was, like it's like even from the beginning of the Europe. Now. Yeah, there they were like there's like, you know, fire the fellows beside me, and if one of them is like significantly better than me, I always like, oh, how came he's better than me, and I I maybe I can do something to be like better. But now I'm like, you know, want we're all on our own journeys, we own own paths, and I'm really good at like my path and he's not on my path. So he can be really good at what he does. And yes, I should like to learn something from him, and I say...

...him because all five of them guys. But and I can like be I can take some stuff from him and get better. But I like love where I am on my path and it is a very different path than he's path. Yes, so maybe I should stop comparing myself, you know, which in residency, like that's not the way I was at all. Right, I was like so it gross, like wanting to be like the best and my you know, like I think that's a part of self. Love to is not comparing her. Yeah, other people, one hundred percent. One of the weird just read and I were just talking about this when I came into this. A lot of it I mean with starting with the job too. I came into the fellowship, I always compared myself to the to these residents. Yeah, it was like I'm so, so crappy, you know, and that was something that was so like hard for me, you know, just comparing. But we're all on our own path and like really these you know, yes, I'm a fellow, I went through a residency, has been three languages. You don't? Yeah, you know, yeah, but you know, I likely everybody has their own strengths and you're exactly. Your path is not the same as an other DOPP and this has is not the same as yours or whatever. You know. So so exactly. I think that's a big thing. It's not comparing yourself. Absolutely and I think this year, I mean I think we've done a good I think one of my big things I've found like a really good, positive group of people that I've you know, we surrounded ourselves with. Yeah, mainly you too, actually. You know, but and it it's true because I think just also coming from the residency standpoint, it was just, I mean, when I think back, like we were all just in a rat race and we're still all, you know. Yeah, I interview like a hundred jobs this year, probably, but it's stopped interviewing. But I feel like I've met so many good people this year and really taken the time this year to and I think also my job gave me the time to reflect, to not be so negative on myself, and I think that was one of you know, those are the positive things that that I, you know, experienced. This year was a great and I think back to like I would be like my year in Houston was just really great, great time life. You know, yeah, that was always like sometimes guilty abouts of love. Mean, like if I like love her, I am now that I'm not like motivated to push myself. I'm going better and I like always how do you guys have to deal with that? Like that's a really good point. I actually agree with you some aspects of that, like it is very difficult when you get to that point in your life where you've figured out that this is my path, that I'm leaving so I don't have to compare myself to anybody else. It's a huge moment of growth, right, because you're like, well, I don't really have to listen to anybody else anymore. I don't have to like I don't have to push myself to be right exactly, but in the sense, staying stagnant is also not showing yourself self love either, right, because if you know that your your actual way that you love yourself is by competing with yourself. At least for me, that's how I am. If I know that I am stagnant and I'm not doing something to move me forward or propel myself or to learn or anything like that, I personally and at that point ignoring a part of myself that I love the most, which is my competitive spirit and the ability to continue growing. Yeah, so, depending on the person that you are, if staying in the present is what makes you happy, there's nothing wrong with that. Right, that is fulfilling your journey of self love. But if your personal journey of self love is to make sure that you're consistently learning and pushing and and and learning more about yourself and the path that you're on, then you would be doing yourself at this service by not continuing. And I also I agree with that. And also, Vivia, we said earlier, you're very like myself, very and you like we were talking about this legit a few hours ago. Is We're very future...

...thinking, future directed people. Right. So your life in two months is going to be so different all of our lives. You're looking at different jobs, you're moving to a new place. Do you think you're really good night at the cut that part. Just keep good. Yeah, yeah, but we're moving to new yeah, I know, maybe not you. I'll be here, but yeah, but uh, but you know the fact that you're not going to be in the same place. You know for sure you're going to start a new a new environment and you're going to be challenged and you're not. You know, it's definitely not. You're not going to be a stagnant person. You know that's just not but the definition of your life is just not going to happen. You know it's yeah, I mean I really think you're going to catapult in such an awesome direction. But that's the thing is you have to be able to envision that yourself, and US telling you that isn't going to be right. The thing that's going to put you there. It's really just how your process and your path continues to unfold for you. Right, yeah, so, yeah, all right. So I want to know one word that you guys use to describe self love for yourself. One word. It gets so hard at that point. I was really just when, when I grow love, one word you describe, to describe your self? Love. Yeah, so, MMM, like if it can be your definition, your own personal definition of self love in your life for you, one word that would describe. That's a good leave. Yes, sleepaud I think from I mean I, yeah, tend to be a little bit verbose with these things, but that is fine. It's your it's your word or words word. I think for me it's like English radio, CNNQUE. That's a quality to this. No, but every I don't know if I can put in one word. I think it's just like for me, for the whole thing, it's just I think for me you would be like I am enough. You know, three words. Oh, that's a beautiful three words. Imagine, I'm going to use that for tomorrow. Yes, I'm post. That's been a whole that's been a huge thing for me, like just being able to reflect on that this year. Remember they view. We went to that yoga retreat, like this was like before with this yoga thing, and that was the our instructor was like, think about what you want to focus song, and it was back in the August and and I my big thing, having come into this year in Houston, was I thinking? I wasn't, you know, like I just finished residence. You have such a cool baller, you know, chief that I come here and I'm like, wow, I'm really how could I not so great? But that's the thing. Yes, I am. I want my own path. I'm stopped. Stop comparing myself. I am enough, you know. So that's I think loving yourself is all about feeling that way by yourself. Yeah, absolutely, I love that one. So we have massage. Is that you're finally answer? Does loves? Oh God, I still have to go try these time side about you. I think I'm I have to use two words, but I think letting go is probably my self. Love is just just letting go anyone and knowing that I am enough, frightened, just that my path will unfold. And so maybe that's the way that, you know, you kind of tie all those in together. It's just sometimes as much as I want to control, thanks say. I'm a personal control freak. I need to have control over everything in order to ensure that things are done correctly. Yeah, learning how to let go has been a very hard challenge, but...

I continue to learn every day and that's a good even letting go. See, we interpreted that differently. You said it in like a control everything. You can also interpret that and like letting go of, you know, bad things that you've gone through, bad relationships, people who let you down. You know, like I used to hold a lot of grudges. I think that was like me, like being orite, angsty or whatever, but like against like very important people in my life and like you just can't. You gotta let it go. So not only letting go of you know, try to control everything, but letting go of things that have hurt you in the past, for giving. forgivings a big thing. That's, yeah, big thing that I think letting goes really good. Yeah, I think for giving ourselves to is a big one, because I think so many times, especially when you're on this like self love journey and you're reflecting and you're doing all this stuff and you're like, Oh my God, how did I not see that? or Oh my God, this happened or whatever, and like you're like, oh, but I'm smarter than that, and it's like, at the end of the day, we're all really just humans, like learning how to live this life, Hmm, in this world together and like every single person across the board makes a mistake. Yeah, and and makes numerous mistakes day in and day out, and it's like how do you you know when you finally realize that you're like, all right, I have to be a little bit more forgiving to myself and maybe people. So, yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah, I'm thinking about I was talking a lot like well, is it he you know, for like one of the reasons I feel very confident and competent in the operating room is because I've done this for six years. I'd like seen things go really bad and I've been taught in like this is how you do it, this is what happens when things go right, this is what happens when you could things go wrong. And then I walk into surgery, I always know what the exit plan is. I always know how to stop and get the fuck out. But in a relationship you're never prepared for that right, like nobody prepares you. Nobody tells you like this is how we do things right, this is how we do things wrong, and like and nobody tells you what the eggs strategy is. And it's in some ways a lot more important than the work we do. Really, like work is like work at the end of day, even if it's like doing important work, but the end of the day, like you come home to your relationship. That's the most important part of your life and nobody tells you how to deal with those. It is no guide book. There's no guy who were like raising children. There's no guy, but what how to deal with your parents? Is No guide to the word of dealing with like marriages or relationships. And that's supposed to be like row sixty seven percent of your life, right, and there supposed to be really important aspect of your life. And why do we prepare ourselves so much for like a smaller portion of my life and they don't prepare ourself like this big thing is in life? I don't I don't know if there is an aunt. That's a very good observation. Yeah, you know, and I don't think there's ever going to be like a class on life. You know, like how could there be? You know, like people raise your kids differently or there is no guide for right. That's the idea of that and I mean I know none of us are kids like that is absolutely friend you know, but you see like yeah, therese are guide good relationships. But just like we were talking about earlier, you guys, with every subsequent relationship you you're learning, you're right, what you don't want, what you do want, what's important to you. You know you're creating your own you know, kind of negotiating. How do you're creating your own ILLIAC gartering injury by having your back. I don't even know what that means, digory, but it's a bad thing. That can happen in the ore and you know how to deal with that in a very sterile surgical manner in the operating room. So you when you have a disastrous or bad relationship, from bad fight with your parents, we fall out with somebody, you learn from every single one of those things and I'm...

...sent you may not feel like it, it may feel like you're bleeding out your patients in the arterial injury, but later, when you recover from that, you'll look back and be like, okay, this is what I learned. But there is, I don't think, having a guide of life. I don't think that's even possible. You know, and sure there's people who you know both things and they say this is right how I live my life. But you know, you gotta take that, I mean you, and yeah, I agree. Even psychologists, right, psychologists for there to help you maneuver and learn how to cope, but they can't teach you how to live your life. Essentially, they're allowing you to Divoth, to figure out these things on your own. They're just there to kind of help you understand yourself a little bit better, but they don't teach you how to live your life. Yeah, right. So there is no real guide book. I'd like the book of life, San Cheeta and Davia's guidelines. We just have to live it and then from their learn from our mistakes and continue going or learn the things that you like and things it worked out and then you're like, okay, that worked, I'll use that, I'll take that and I'll move it over here are this didn't work. Okay, that goes over there right like it's like we just learn. And I think your example, of the work example, is so many things. You know those six years. So much happened and it's all you know. Of course you get emotional about your patients. I've pride and when I had to pay I lost a patient you know, but it's just not the same as when something goes horribly wrong in your first steff. So it's just not that same level of you have to have that separation at work. Would you do? You know? That's what I'm that's what I'm saying, is that work is a smaller part life and there's soul, emotionally, physically, like I know, and like intellectually drained on how to deal with it. Yeah, but this our personal life, which is, Oh yeah, was obviously much large of marvel life, is nothing. Nobody's like. You know you need to, you know, you need to come up with the financial blad together. You need to nobody, and nobody tells you anything. You just kind of like go out there get all these fucking dating ASPS. I'm like being like yeah, yeah, why aren't we like well, and you think about like, I think that's the thing with our job, with jobs anyway. Like I went on my one hundred job interviews this year and that's what big foster crowling. It's all about trawling error and but one of the one of the places I ended up not taking, but the officer, met Lobster, was like what would you change about your your career or and my biggest thing was I wish I were less nick neglectful of my partner, and she was like yeah, that's she's like. And that lady. She was like really hard and she was like that was when she really softened up and she's like I wish you. I think that's what a lot of positions like. I mean, I'm very good, leftful of my partner and like it's why you want but, like, but, but I really, I really am, you know, and it's tough. You know, we do our best and and he's very patient. And I mean I think you guys are hitting some really good points on relationships. I mean I think people try to idolize these perfect relationships, like the celebrity relationships, and a good percentage of them end up in failure, right, like everybody wanted Brad and Angelina, Ni Angelia, Jennifer. Yeah, see, that's out right. We all were like there's a perfect relationship, and even they got it wrong, right, and whether or not it was for infidelity purposes, which never it works out. But it's like, you know, you can be at the top of your game, is extremely successful and still not know how to navigate personal relationships and that's no one's fault, like that's just who we are. So human nature, like. It doesn't feel like though. Yeah, it does. Yeah, he's a very personal failure, like but it doesn't have to be. It can be alert,...

...you know, learning lesson. I know, how much are you learning after I've done learning you now, and I'd like when I think best. I think I was talking to one of you guys before about this earlier, maybe someone else, but you know, when I saw like like something that I went through, like with my parents. So my parents twenty four year marriage dissolved, right. I mean it didn't happen overnight, but like here I was when I when that happened, I was eighteen and absolutely in love with this guy my freshman year class in college, and it was not mutual situation, like in tears and concurrently seeing my dad like, you know, like going his marriage, fellow parts, twenty four years together, and I was like wow, how did he put up that? But you know what, he had thirty more years of training that I had the time and always went, you know. So, yeah, how many more times we're all going to we're going to have issues with our jobs whenever besues with our partners, whenever shoot with our friends or eds, you know right, but our kids. But it's really it's I mean I still think there's things to learn from that. I think my dad learned in his s when is marriage from apart. You know, you don't want to see that happening, but he's like he's really much older. But yeah, you know, you know. I think what's interesting about all this is that, regardless to the relationships that we have on the exterior, our jobs, our personal relationships, if we are at our core, not one hundred percent strong and who we are, that whole self, love concepts, like a lot of that can sometimes also bleed into the other relationships. Like, at least for me, I know that's one hundred percent what was going on, at least in the last couple of times that I tried, and I finally like this year, I was like it up, I'm gonna give myself a break. Yeah, but you know, I'm finally going to put myself back out there again and see what. You know, what goes on, and but it's for me, I know I'm at my best self. Am Not financially one hundred percent where I want to be. You know, want to continue growing in my career. I want all these things, but I personally know that I'm in my good space where, okay, I can now tackle all these things again, like, and it's so important and I think sometimes, at least, this is what we've seen, right, and I've heard this from marriages, like Oh, I lost myself. Yeah, like, how many times do you hear people say that in their marriage? Or like they get so codependent. Yeah, like, and it's you know, there's nothing wrong. I mean maybe a psychologist would disagree with me, there's nothing wrong with codependence as long as it's healthy. Yeah, yeah, right, like you want to make sure that you're still maintaining your healthy boundaries of the things that you need to do. I mean obviously not neglecting your kids and all the stuff, stuff, but being able to create that space that you still exist in this marriage as well, for in the relationship or in your own personal life outside of work. Right, like still creating that ability for you to exist is pretty important. At least that's my own observation. So can I take self love and turn on its head, like how do you recognize or how do you stop yourself from getting to the point where you like, I'm so good that you know what any feedback you're giving me is like not required, because I am like very I'm like pappy in my path. I'm really good at what I'm doing and therefore I only need you know, I like thinking self love and become making, making it, and arrogance, or making it and do ego, like. How do you, how do you like draw that line or how do you get not cross that line? WHEREAS OF LOVES BECOMING EGO? Well, I think ego turns it into something negative, right, and and you can always feel the difference between somebody who's genuinely in this place of goodness versus...

...a person who's now arrogant, like if another person can see it and feel it, then you can definitely tell the difference between the two. Yeah, how you yourself like not get to that point? You know, I think if you are at that point, like you're not, you're going to hit upstandin point right. You're not going to allow yourself to grow because you're like, I'm such a boss, like right, like you could listening and try to. You're not learning anymore and you're not socially, yea, allowing there's nothing wrong with blocking negative, negative perspective from somebody else. Right. There is a good pay if you are in a really good place and unfortunately tend to be around negative people their vibe. Sometimes you're just like, okay, thank you, I appreciate it, but I'm still going to follow my path anyway, because I don't really mean your advice. Now, that's one sense of like, okay, I love myself, I understand my path, but if it's another thing for somebody to be like hey, maybe you should and if it's actually like constructive criticism or somebody's coming with you with the intention of love for you and being like, you know, maybe there's something that you might be able to tweak. It doesn't seem like you're on your best or this is this is going on and I'm seeing this. If you start hearing more and more people telling you that, I think that's a red flag for yourself. Right. It's like Hey, Rita, I think you're doing some pretty destructive things. Maybe you should real it back back a little bit or whatever. or it looks like you're up here in you're not. You're not realistic. Or if you start your if a majority of people are telling you something, it's probably the truth. If it's just the negative people that you used to hear negative stuff from, right, then you know it's a grain of salt and then you know that you're on your own path and if feeling it. I think it's always checking in with yourself too. Honestly, yeah, you know who you are, and sometimes we try to pile a whole bunch of Shit on top of it just to hide that person who's on the inside, because we're trying to deflect away from what we're really feeling. So I truly think a lot of it is just making sure you're always checking in with your emotions and actually feeling what you're feeling to understand. Okay, am I is this like at ego or my actually on the right path or but even then, right, like we don't genuinely know the truth of that. There's no real answer to that. Yeah, sometimes I think you do need ego. Right, it was a bad thing, right, no preservations of times you need it. But then when does that egill become? Think Balance, I think I could use some more ego the full when they're talking about work and stuff, you know. But yeah, it's it's all bound yeah, I there may be a difference between the word ego and confidence. Yeah, which I think confidence tends to be a lot more of the positive side and ego starts to turn into that. Okay, this is good, but it could turn bad if it's if it's played into too hard, like if we put too much attention on our egos, and that can turn negative. But if we're more focused on the confidence and the like, the outcome of the confidence portion of what we're looking at, it might be something that seems a little bit more positive, you know. Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much, ladies. This is so much fun. I'm so excited. I feel like we're hitting right at like the I can't believe we talked for forty seven minutes. Wow, that's very enlightening. Thanks. Thank you very much. Thank you. Yeah, thank you, guys for listening. Thanks for tuning in to empowerment and all that podcast with your host. Read aboutistaff want to help me grow the listener tribe. Make sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on instagram and facebook under empowerment and all that, and remember, keep it positive or don't keep it at all.

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