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Empodera Latina
Empodera Latina

Season 1, Episode · 2 years ago

Is Love Enough with Dr. Charles Corprew

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Ah, l'amour. Such an amazing feeling and beautiful when everything first starts. The sun shining, the birds chirping but once the honeymoon wears off, or you begin to see your person for who they really are, is love enough to keep the relationship going? For this episode I consulted good friend, Dr. Charles Corprew of the What's your Revolution podcast to give me the males perspective on the topic.  We talk about the fundamentals of a relationship, from communication, commitment type, forgiving and so much more. We even confess about our own person relationships, pluses and mistakes. This podcast is dedicate to all my empowerment circle of supporters and patrons who are loyal followers and support this podcast. For more information on becoming part of the goddesses, visit: https://www.patreon.com/Empowermentandallthat --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rita-bautista/message

You're listening to empowerment and all that podcast, your favorite podcast for women's empowerment, hosted by read about Tista. It's time to be reminded of the authority of your inner goddess and elevate the power within. Are you ready? Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of empowerment and all that, your favorite podcast for female empowerment. I'm your host to read about Tista, and I'm super excited today because I'll be talking with one of my good friends, Dr Charles Sumner Corprew, the third. Yes, y'all, that's his name. Wow, put it all out there, and one of the good things about this episode, you guys, is we're going to be talking about the topic is Love Enough? Now this for those out there he are like, Oh my God, here we go relationships again. But truthfully, love in general as a whole can be applied to relationships, your your inter relationships with work, your friends, your children and, obviously, most importantly with this topic, in partnership. So one of the cool things about Dr Chiwschool grew is that he actually is a PhD in psychological science. Thank you very much for that, because I know it's gonna get it wrong, but he's got some amazing insight and one of the greatest things about having one of your good friends on the show is that you always get some pretty good dancer, but you get some really great content because you're just being your most honest. And if it's one thing that Dr Charles Corp grew and I do well is banter and are very honest with our in depth conversations that we tend to have. Yes, we are, and you can go ahead and put it out to the world what you actually call me, Charlie. Yeah, there we go. You're the only person in the world that I allowed to call me Charlie. So I an honor. You're welcome, Rita, and I am I am grateful to actually be on the other side now, to be a guest on your show, because you have been like my most favorite guest on the which revolution podcast. So I I am honored to be on the other side of my hopefully give your listeners everything that they want to hear about. Is Love Enough? Funny fact I keep calling you Charles Corp. Charlie show the first show I was actually ever on when it came down to the radio podcast, which his show. What's your revolution is now on Itunes, right on Itunes, it's on Soundcloud, it's bomb player. FM is on wherever you want to find it. It's on Iheartradio, wherever you need to find what the revolution is right there for you. Yeah, one of the things I love about the topics of Charles show is that he goes into male masculinity and talks about every single thing possible. And what better show for him to come on then, you know, empowerment and all that, the females perspective on all things empowerment. So thanks again for being on. I'm really excited to dive into this episode today. Obviously, the meat and potatoes of this topic is we think love is enough. Is Love enough to create the foundation of a relationship and keep it going? So that's two questions reading. Is Love enough, you know, to be the foundation and then to keep it going? So I think my answer to the first question is that love has to be the foundation. As I sit here in my house, I can look to the right and see a picture of my mother Bob. I've had this picture of my house for the last fifteen years and I had the picture of my house, my first house in Virginia so this picture has got to be at least twenty five years. They have been married for fifty four years for them, and you know that says something. And so the foundation of what they have is love. My father is ninety now. My mother is seventy eight, shall be seventy nine in twelve days. My father has alzheimers. She's his caregift. Love is the foundation of their relationship. But to answer your second question, it can't. Love just is not going to make you through fifty four years. It's friendship, it's trust, its honesty, it is working through the hard times, it is not going to bed mad, it is being vulnerable, it is being open, it is growing, it is, you know, making sure that you are your champion for your partner. It is, to me, all of those things and my mother, beautiful, one of the most beautiful people that I've ever met inside it out, is my father's champion even now, and he will tell you every day...

...that life has not been the same since he met her fifty four years ago. But here's the thing, reader, it wasn't always it wasn't always peaches and cream, right, right. Oh, they had, you know, when I was a child, they had they had rocky road. Right, it wasn't, but it takes growth. It takes that opportunity to see who am I going to be, how I'm going to show up, how I'm gonna grow you know, we talked about this on this show. How are you going to grow up and be a man in your relationship? Say you know what, baby, that hurt. I didn't expect that from you, but that hurt and this is how I'm feeling. And you honor the things that go on in your relationship, and I learned that tonight. How can you, even even in even in the demise of relationship, can you honor the time that you've had together? You know, I think that is something that we don't we don't honor that time together people. We just break up and be like, you know, a piece out, I got nothing to do with you. And you honor that time. I think it's a very beautiful thing that you just said it like, can you be that person's champion and even at the point where, if it does end, are you still going to champion the time that we spent with each other? Right, like that's a pretty big thing to think about, because most of the time when you break up with somebody, you're just like Fu, I don't want to see you again and talk to me, blah, blah, blah, Blah Blah, or which I think is such a more modern approach that I've been noticing a lot more. If you have children, like the whole co parenting thing, I think is so beautiful. Right, because just because your relationship broke up doesn't mean that Love wasn't there and that that love can't be translated to your children. Right, right, exactly. So I love that you said that, because I am a professional single person right now. Really, you can't pay for this professional no, exactly. What does that pay? Like twenty, thirty an hour? I don't know. I mean, we talked about my dog on this show occasionally, but he's dead. Yeah, so I gotta, I gotta get another job. Professional single person. You know, we, and you and I have talked what it feels like and in those periods of time when it gets only like I don't want to feel like that. Right, we tell ourselves like this is this sucks, but what's the alternative? Sometime, right, I don't want to feel like I'm in this toxic, toxic relationship with this toxic person and I'm not happy and all I'm trying to do is get out. So I think all we trying to do is find the sweet spot, right. That's very true. Now, it's interesting that you bring up toxic relationships, because the episode that I was on that I had recently, the one prior to this one, was actually on toxic relationships and one of the conversations that we are one of the questions that I had asked her was, you know, can you get out of a toxic relationship and not necessarily like exit to the left? Out that like, can you actually find yourself out of the toxicity? And so many people, instead of working on the relationship, which is harder, choose to exit left. and to me, as funny as this is going to sound and really hard for me to admit, it's always easier for me to exit to the left because I feel like this person doesn't understand me, this person doesn't Blah, Blah Blah, we're never going to get there, we're never going to understand each other. But then I'm like, I see relationships that have been together for like twenty three years and they never get each other. And at the basis of that is because, for some reason or though they're. At the beginning, they fell in love with each other so profoundly that they were like, you know what, every single day I'm to choose you. I'm not going to put this pillow over your face today, I'm actually going to let you live another day because hopefully today you're going to get it right. Yeah, no, I have a good friend. Her name is Christy Lion, and her and her husband have been married, you know, public clost to thirty years and I'm probably putting her business outstreats, but yeah, you didn't have to put a her whole name. I know, right, tagger. Yeah, yeah, at Christy Lions, but what? That was one thing that she says. She's like, I choose my husband every day. And she's like, I'm not on put our business other space, but she's like I know how to make my marriage work every day, and she says we do that every day. Right. He's like, I understand that I have a man and I have a man's man. Right, and to to honor our marriage, I'm going to make sure that he knows that I love him every day and he chooses me every day, and so we have that ability to love each other she's like, it's not easy every day. It's not easy every day, but we choose to love each other and we choose to honor our relationship and we know some of the things that we're good so I appreciate I appreciate it that. But it also brought me back this conversation that you know, we've had over a number of time is how do you work through the toxicity? And goes back to our our theme,...

...because it's like you said, it's easy to exit, stays up. This is a toxic relationship. We didn't say abusive relationship, right, we said toxic and there's a difference between and I think about my past relationship that you and I have talked at linked about. You know, we'll call her miss stantiego right, Carmon garments and Diego. We had a toxic relationship and it didn't start out like that. Well, maybe I did, because there were there was outlying there were out you know, forces that were outside of our our ability to control. That created the toxicity anyway, but we never ever really addressed how to get out of the toxicity. It was as easier to all right, peace exits, stays left. All Right, I love you I'm gonna get back in this. I'Ma jump back in, but we didn't do the healthy work around. What does it mean that we're into knowledge, that we're in a toxic relationship, and then what does it mean? What does it mean and what does it look like for us to be healthy, because either for easy, easy for you say I'm gonna find somebody else, and it is not that I don't have to deal with this Tocicity, but you won't. You can't carry that toxicity with you because it doesn't change until you addressed. So I think that's a really good point, right, but I I'm not a professional atist. Again, I'm professional being single. But I would say that in order to do that, someone has to been someone else been your someone has to bend and say and not be afraid of being vulnerable instead of being those two kids that are like fighting each other. Have you ever seen that? There was like burning man had an amazing sculpture where it's like two adult people that have their backs to each other and the children are on the inside, like trying to break through and touch each other's hands, and it's like, I think it's like the most amazing sculpture ever because I'm like, that's what that's essentially what love is. Is like people who, MMM, I get actually, as adults, you have to create these like ideas of what a relationship is. That the two kids on the inside, those are the ones that fell in love, right, because you feel all giddy and like everything's amazing. You feel very free and liberated when you're adult things start falling in yeah, Oh this, oh that. It's the perfect example. is like the chase mode, right, when the man like, Oh my God, he could literally bring the moon down from the from the sky when he's chasing you. But when he knows he got to you, then he's like, all right, I'm done, like I'm good, back to being an adult that's about to go shakin, like what just happened? You know, let me bring you this kid Kat. You'd be good. My daddy brought me because no expectation. Right. Yeah, so, you know, looking at that culture, I'm always I always think about that. I'm like, you know, when you adults are fighting each other, they really are like, you know, what they say is like each mind a different world, and so, like you don't understand the other person, one person or to break and stay listen. I'm going to be the vulnerable one and unfortunately, for a lot of relationship, women tend to be the ones to break and be vulnerable, and I think we're in a place now where women are getting tired of the overmasculinity and having to be the one to always break and always be like okay, like you know, you've been getting on my nerves and and you play this like adult role, but the kids on the insider, like, you know, I just want to get back to that happy place again. Yo, there are a lot of things that come up right now that bubble up. So the first thing was like, you'll know men like that. I read it goes you'll know us like that, and then I'm like, but that's why you do the show, Charles, so you need to acknowledge that. And so you're right. You are right, and say that one more time for the listeners can hear that you. You're right. Read it and you know, thinking about the situation that we talked about earlier, you know the events of this eat and you know I'll even talk about I'll even talk about the ends of events of this this evening. You know, I've been seeing a woman for a little while and you know, we just kind of clicked. It was good, it was worth it felt good, it felt right and, you know, kind of cut out all the all the other noise that was going on. And but we hadn't had those we hadn't had one of the foundational conversations that needed to have. And then once we had it, it was like we were are, we're on two different islands, two really, really different islands, and so because of that, you know, we've got to we basically have to...

...say, you know what, Hey, we gotta we got to let this go. So I felt myself like being like that little boy, like I got time for this, like I'm gonna just buck up, like whatever, peace, I'll let your boy later. Whenever, when you ever you realize like you're losing something good, right, is that ego? Let me finish store. Yeah, right, but it isn't. But it is ego. And you know the beautiful woman that she is, and you know our time together it just beautiful. magically, I mean I could use all of these various adjectives that go along with the time. But she said, I hear some things in you and I want to make sure that we honor this time together our long, or however shortag this bed. And it was like almost like Oh, I'm gonna keep punching the gut, but it was a punch the gut like yes, honor this time, be vulnerable to say how you feel about this space that we've been in. And the reality is that, because we have a difference in our core values, we're going to walk away from this. But but allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to honor the time that we've had together. And, like you said, we don't do that, we don't honor that time. People come into your space and they're there and to be amicable and to to just say, you know what I'm I'm grateful for this time with you, which is hard because minute like, you know what, allow my I allowed myself to be one with you. I have feelings for you, like you're not going to work this shit out, you say, and then you're like, all right, but I think we have to get to that space for this. That's what I'm saying and that's what I'm trying to push with our brothers on the show. Like think of that, figure it out, grow you know how to be vulnerable enough to be in space with the people who you love. I think that's such an amazing perspective. I mean, ha ha ha. I'm like, yeah, you know, I love that. Again, honor thing. It's really it doesn't matter if it was a lifetime or two months, like being respectful enough, and I love her perspective, because that's going to haunt you forever. Why does it have to haunt me? We see many is that there is that reader. That's a that's a no, that sounds like that sounds some projection from really just gonna Haunt you, Charles. I'm just getting yeah, want to get married. That's what it is. I don't want to get married. I want to be in a long term, loving, monogamous relationship, but I don't want to be married, you know. And so if that's, if that's a part of our conversation tonight, like, is Love Enough? No, love is not enough. Simply it's not enough. It is so many things that have to happen for a relationship to be right. I could love you. I love you. Read Them Really, I love you too, but I think that that's a good point, right, like relationships do need so much more than just that initial feeling. Right, because as much as love is beautiful and the movies make us all feel as though, you know, love's just going to carry us through, Love's gonna get us out of hunger and poverty and all of this sudd's like. No, love is that you still have to work and you still have to create. If you have to do x, Y Z, and it's like that's not enough for one single person, then what is enough to carry a relationship through? Right, because you can have love as the foundation that actually helped create it, but then you need the rest of the building blocks, right. That's man. Yeah, and the and those building box have to be the word I want to say is correlative. But I think you know those building block. There's some room exactly exactly, but they have to match that you have to found, you know, some foundational pieces that actually match as your building is. My therapist says all the time, when you overlay the two of you right, you don't have to be like like anig perfect match for each other, but you should be at least be a Venn diagram where there's a lot of matching that's going along between the two things. And your question is what do you need is you need to have similar I'm not saying that all of your core values need to be the same, but you need to have similar core value and like if you don't eat well or think about your health, like taking care of your body and thinking about what you're putting in your body to take care of that. That's a core value for me. And if we don't match on that, then we're going to we're going to have problem, right, because we're going to be fighting over what you're putting...

...in your body. And can I say something really good? Yeah, it, we're good. No, go ahead, it's better. As much as I love what you're saying right now, I think one part that you're forgetting is that we cannot control anybody else. Totally agree. Hold, totally agree. No, I'm not. No, I'm just getting wait, wait, Charles, wait Charlie before, I'm not saying that. But the building, the building blocks have to be there. So if that those core values are there, you can continue to build, but without those core values. What I'm saying is that you may try to control that situation when you why you eating that cheese Burger and FRY, right? Why don't you eating this impossible burger. Yo, you haven't had an impossible burger. I'm good, Bro, I do. Do you U Burger's? I gave up red meat, but yeah, may gets to an impossible burger. Yes, you're missing out on life. I'm good. I'm already missing out on beef burgers. So we're good. Right. So I think that's you know, that's the piece. What do you what do you think? You know, has to be if we're building, if we are building this perfect relationship or we're building the relationship that we want, because nothing's perfect. What else has to be there? You know, I think, honestly, a common ground of being able to work through issues, not leaving the issue on the table, but actually working through them together. Apologies and forgiveness are huge because, you know, what if I want to eat a be what if I want to eat a burger today? What if I'm tired? What if you don't know all the stress I've been under and I just want to eat this burger and I don't want to talk to you right now, and I know you're going to complain about it in like five minutes, but it's like I need two. One forgive you for trying to control me for eating this beam Burger or is regular burger. But honestly, it really I think truthfully, because we are all our own independent people, we're going to make mistakes and some of us make them every single day, and it's all about not being afraid to apologize and not being afraid to forgive somebody and move past that. You know, it's through from yeah, as reading the other days psychology today. You really know me, as you know me, I love reading like all of these like personal development. It's all the stuff. And it was talking about not about how it's bad to argue. I feel that personally I'm just like I'm so overarguing, like as soon as I feel like something's in blow up, I'm like, yeah, I'm done, hands up, I'm over. I quit. I'm not doing this anymore as a left right. But it was talking about like the the couples that actually argue more. Now, not abusive arguing right, but like people who actually argue more and are able to work through that like the next day or, you know, continue working through their relationships. They get stronger because of their arguing. And I'm like, who wants to live in that Jesus and he wants to argue with you reading Lord, because I'm right. But no, I've read that research as well, you know, and so that's interesting that you say that, because I don't like conflict and with Miss San Diego we would have conflict and we would have argument, but we also had great makeup argument as well. Round, chicken, Brown. Okay, did you say Brown? Chicken, Brown cow. Yeah, your Corny, like you are the queen of corn. Yeah, but I think that was one of the great that was one of the big parts about that that we could make up and we took. If we're thinking about the found nations of relationships, physical capacity with each other, because you know, physical attraction and they yeah, and chemistry. No, chemistry. When you kiss, when you kiss that person the first time, do you know like wow, that that feeling, like like going to a wedding and like okay, moving on and you know, you just walk in this person to the car and they and they kiss you and you're like Oh, I'm damn yeah, yeah, that is you're saying, like the moment of like that, you feel them like no, I think that's that's a great part, right. That that's the part. That's the initial I am PREC I want to find but unique past. Yeah, tell the story. Yeah, exactly,...

...don't go anywhere without proper MMM MMM. You know, I think and and I think that that is probably one of my heart stop yeah, I got my moment. I'm not perfect. Really tell us your story. Oh, yeah, I have many stories, but you know, we'll just say a long distance has been something that I was frequently used to last couple of years, on and off or whatever. And Long Story Short, one of the biggest problems for me is if I'm not getting adequate communication, it doesn't matter how busy I am, you know, I mean, I think that's one of the things that is very interesting when you when they're like, oh, the chase, you got to look like you're busy, you got to do this, you got to do that. It's like yeah, it's absolutely true. I'm if anybody's busy, I am like the busiest of busy right right now, I'm working on the podcast I just started letting up podcasters, which is a group to bring letting a podcasters together. I am, you know, working my full time job, which is in medical to medical the medical sales industry, and I'm also helping out with a political campaign so I'm busy. But the thing is is that Beto, I'm not even going to talk to you right now. No, no, I actually would have voted for Beto. I wasn't a resident yet at the state attack of the Great State of Texas everything bule on, ule on casphe needs to stay in the race to it is hopefully, I'm hoping he yeah, you know. I mean, obviously he's not the front runner, won't be the front runner, but I think this guy, and following his career for so many years, I really did and wrote, to be some really amazing politician for the rest of his life. So I really anyway, back to communication, community. Is Love enough in politic no, okay, Um, oh, it's enough in Pola thing, your girl from California. It's enough. Oh boy, it's all right. It's a lot, but but you talked about communication and yeah, yeah, you're longestations. Yeah, and you know, it is always a big deal. It's like if you're not communicating. Yeah, I mean, and everybody has a different communication style, right. Some people like the text message all day long, some people just need a five minute check in. It's not even a fuld dive into a phone call. Or you know, give me your life story. I just want to fall in love on the phone. Sometimes it's like I don't want to talk to you, but I'm calling you because you you matter, you matter, and the thing is is, you know, the other thing is compromising like that is a very, very important part of a relationship. Is We do have our core values, we do have our fundamentals, but are you willing to compromise with the person that you're in union with if this person wants you to get married and you don't want to get married because that's a core value of yours? You're sticking to that, right, yeah, and and she does. It's like, was this the time to have a conversation yet? And that's also something that I'm learning to is like when do you have the complicated conversations and when do you hold back from the complicated conversation? Continue to flow with it and see what happens, because maybe if time would have naturally just allowed itself to show you guys you weren't compatible, you would have continued to have a great time with each other. So you lost me there, because one I'll go I'll go back to answer this question. One I think you have the foundational questions early when you're when you're my age right, maybe not. You know, if you're youthful, when tea stuff and my age of whatever is almostop telling people mays. I realized that you don't have to. You look youreful. Thank you, thank you. Wait, way to pull that back. I like. But I think you have those foundational conversations if you're looking to settle down and be, you know, in whatever you define as a relationship. You know you have those foundations. Do you want to have children? Do you want to get married? Where do you want to live? How? You know, those types of things. But the other thing that I say, and I love that you talk about communication. Read it, is that I read this book maybe fifteen years ago, but one of the things it talks about is that you vomit in moderation. And so it's an interesting concept because sometimes we get in relationships in this new and then we were like, Blah, let me tell you everything about my life, all my perils, all the good to everything right, and then all of a sudden you like where did where did he or she go? Because you have vomitted every everything about your life. Think about that, think a about that. Worst first date and the guys just like or the woman is just like everything...

...you like. I can't get out of this date fast enough. You know, I can told you exit less ridity. Yes, yes, but that was one of the things that she and I work through, is that we're going to vomit. And moderation, and so we established this level of conversation like okay, are we ready to are we ready to have this level of conversation? So you broach it in that manner, like are we ready, because I'm about to about to drop some things about me that I don't I may or may not know if you're ready to handle. And so communication is huge, but I push it to people as you're getting to know someone in your building relationship, bombit and moderation. Now see where your relationship is before you talk about past histories of past, past histories of trauma or different things. That person may not be ready or equip for something like that, and allow them see where they are, because if they're not ready to handle your trauma or handle your life story, then maybe that's not your person. What you know, if people know, people understand this is we are also videoing this so I can see Rita's facial expressions. YEA, that, yeah, that loving look in your face right out of you. Yeah, now, I don't if anybody knows rid it and Charlie, when they get on a podcast or radio show, it is mad jokes with each other the whole time. I always get that. I think your producer told me one time tech or message, which was like I was just listening to the show and I was cracking out the entire Di was like, yeah, I keep telling Charlie that we need a podcast together. Okay, I'm not going to tell you what she said the first time. You want the show. It's fine, we don't vomit moderation, I just want yeah, I don't want to tell that story out of Blair. Let me tell it. You know that's they like being a person who's becoming so much more selfaware. I know that that is something that I do. Naturally, I talked about everything to everyone because in some sense, of myself, but I truly believe that people have everyone's best interests in mind, like we all have each other's best interests at heart, and so I'm like, well, if I'm the one who puts myself out there first, then other people will feel more comfortable talking about their insecurities and their vulnerabilities because I'm not afraid to do that. And, believe it or not, about seventy five percent of the time that actually work, because once they see that I'm not afraid of my vulnerabilities and they're open to speak about theirs. It's weird but in turn right, like, I do agree with what you're saying. I means better to just like let it out slowly than to just vomit all over them. That it. Let it out slowly, read you know, and I let it out slowly. You are the most amazing Latina podcast but that I've ever met. Now I think I'm the only one he's ever met. Yeah, probably so, but yeah, yeah, yeah, oh good, oh good. What what else? I mean, as we as we think about this, what would you want? It's funny when you get to two host on once. You know, what's that? Other carls know what I think. I've interviewed you on your show. Do Sometimes, but I know that's how that's what how we do it. We're good like that. Yeah, yeah, is Love Enough? And we said No. We talked about communication, you know, honesty, you know, talking about those foundational blocks, not vomiting in moderation. What out? What's going to make this work? What we say, compromise as well. Right, oh, that's right, I forgot compromise. And I think it's also the ability to stay. Are you going to stay when that person is having we becaus themselves and being pissed off? Are you going to stay when that person is, you know, having a hard week? Are you going to stay when they hit a nerve, or are you going to stay when they say it's something that you know is your soft spot and you don't like people to say or talk about? Are you going to stay when things are great? Are you going to stay when you're scared that they're getting too close? Yeah, he'll tell your story, red, me tell the story. Tell them. I'm sorry, tell the story now. Well, you know, I think this thing is so in general, I've been the kind of person that I'm open to giving people second chance, that they actually seem as...

...though they it looks like it's progressing into a second chance. Right, are the Queen of second chance. Okay, I believe in people. I don't know why and I know it's terrible and I'm probably learning to this my my therapist probably listening to me right now being like stop, bad now are but here's thick. Right, there are chances when people make mistakes and they they learn, they grow and things change with time. They're not going to change a hundred percent, fundamentally right, but people do learn through their mistake and I know I've made a lot of mistake. So giving somebody second opportunities not beyond me if I know that our core values actually are the same. Right, I'm agree. forgiveness. You know, forgiveness is a part of life. And can you bring yourself? I forgive everybody? Man, I don't, and that's that's truly one of my fundamentals to like, I do forgive people because we are human, because we can make mistake. I should. I make mistakes all the time. I cut the cord too soon sometimes. You know I mean like this. This is something that I've noticed and truthfully, in this last talking ship, I don't even know what the hell to call it. situationship, that's what we call them. I hate that things. Alationship, you know, like what is the situationship? It's not a relationship. It's not. You're not, he's not your boyfriend. You know, not your boyfriend is? He's not your boyfriend. Boy, don't even call you his girlfriend. That's yeah, but you know, what's that Dud's name? Not My boyfriend. Try Harder, is what his name? No, you know, and I think that it lies in expectation, right, and I think expectation is the martyr of letting people down, right. HMM. Say That again. Expectation is the martyr. It's the martyr of letting people down, because when you go ahead, I'm sorry, go, go, Louis, no, I can't hear. Okay, yeah, Oh, yeah. So expectation, I feel like, is, yeah, when you have expectations as somebody, and we're not supposed to write the actually, when you start to feel emotions for somebody or you start to see them in a different light thing you were seeing them before, because you're letting them in, you start to grow these random expectations for people. They don't meet them, because nobody ever will get mad and you, you know, you just give that and say yeah, I mean you're right, expectations. I love that. I gotta use that. Expectations of the are the martyr of I can't remember what I just said. Well, we have to reward that back. I get wait to hear that of the mark. I mean, yeah, it's amazing, like it's also the martyr of happiness too. But yeah, and so you're right, because once you begin to this, a lot of research on like couples rhythms, like how they sink up, and you know you could manipulate this, right, but you get into a rhythm to get and the calls, the visits, how you going to just you know how you going to maneuver together. And what happens is that when those chains you because you've created expectation. It's five PM, right, Charlie's going to call me a five pm every day, right. And when, so six o'clock comes on a Thursday, you like Yo, what you've been for the last hour? Because you've set that sink, you've set that X, you've set that expectation, and expectations can be really good. So I'm setting the expectation of this is what I expect. But we also have to allow for some fluidity in the expectations as well, because stuff does have right, my phone die. Yeah, men accidentally forget their phones for a week. I get that. You know, I'm a world where everyone is connected to their cell phone like it's their hand. Right, my phone die anymore? Yeah, right, but no, what I'm saying something came up. It doesn't mean so when you get a text later on in the day, later on, or hey, hey, love them. Sorry. So the expectation should also be hey, love, I'm sorry. I know it's supposed to. You know, we've been talking every day. If five something came up, I just want to let you know everything is good. I'll call you soon. So there's also that level of expectation. Can you communicate? And you communicate. Yes, and it's I think it's also wrapped up in some parts of respect as well. Now, MMM, there, if you start building, that's to say it was thinking sinking. Yeah, one, it's a level of how how are you going to continue the level of respect for that person to let them know, hey, look, you know what, I'm kind of busy or I'm a little tired of a headache, I don't really want to talk today. Okay, right, yeah, and and and just communicating...

...that. And we get, you know, we get caught up sometimes and or sometimes you gotta have sometimes you gotta just pick up the phone and call right, even if it's two minutes like you said, because I have lost relationships because we can infer tone. Right, hey, Riada, have look, Hey Riada, how are you? Question Mark Peace, we're just like what's so, what's all you feeling bad? Ye, you can't, because that's not how we usually talk to each other. HMM, but you have inferred my tone. I can be like hey, really, we never can, we never can infer tone. Do you know there's an APP coming out now that tries to infer tone based on tech and allows you to decipher your tone before you send the text? That is awful. Can we just say I've gotten so far away from hearing each other's voices, like it's unacceptable. I don't get it. Like there's some things about being old fashions, like I love a good old fashion phone call, like ask right, I call you right, like I'm not saying right whatever, but like I like to listen to the person I'm talking to you, and that's it. That goes with everybody, like my friends, my good friend, what are my good friends? Hector, I'll call him. I've been calling him some because I was nineteen at his job, at work when he's working, and he's like, Hey, I'm working, I was like they you're not. Hey, look, so I have to talk to you about something. He's like fine, let me go close my door, you know. So I met this guy named Charlie. It's Charlie, always answers the phone like but it's true, though, like with my friends, you know, I I've gotten to his form where my I het tech messages, like I do it because that's what we have to communicate these days. But everybody, because everyone sent that instant gratification, right. Yeah, I don't want to see. I want I want to see dot, dot dot, like quickly. Well, we use that, that dot on men because we like to play with Yale's mind. So I'm kidding. Love is enough, you heard. Clearly, is not enough when you're in an apple world. Look, just look, just typing, still typing. You're like, Dang, a book, is she? But exactly? And then all of a sudden you get hey, really, all that? All that these that's been least. That's been rolling for thirty minutes. Hey, trashy. You know, that's after y'all disappeared or something happened. They want to tell you that, they want to tell you off, and then they're like, you know what, let me not. Let me not write a book, let me just explain. Hey, period, okay, period. Hey, look, you want to talk about? Is Love Enough? What you need to do in the communication. Don't have conversations about your relationship over tech, like that's true. Yeah, people will write a book about how they're feelings and that. Pick up the phone, like, are you kidding me? Now, I gotta infer all of this, like where you would like I love you or I hate you or all of these things about the relationship. I got to infer that you aren't saying this in a loving tone or no, because most of the times we go to the negative, right we're like, oh, you crazy, crazy, bleep, bleep, you know said. And No, pick up the phone, have a have a my text break ups. They're not good enough. No, I know, I think depending on the break Oh, respectful, if there was. So that's a good question. I want to ask. Can you break up with someone overtech? Man, I love I love being on the show with you. God, we could make millions of dollars together. We could. Please, let's start now. If you want to sponsor us, just drop a line. Exactly exactly. But you know, I think, looking back at recent situations. HMM, it could be disrespectful to that right period, a period. It could be disrespected to do that period. It be disrespectful. Comma period, period. Yeah, you know, I think you have a point and you know, for me, and this is growth as my as a person. Right, I know one of my biggest problems because of anxiety is patients. HMM, is having the patients wait until the person's available to talk about what I'm feeling right and you want to talk about right now. Yeah, but I'm got better. Right. Definitely got a lot better at the approach of the text messages, but it you know, I definitely had have some growth to do. And Yeah, I...

...can. I can admit when I've made mistakes and yeah, I'd have in the past made mistakes rive ended relationships or dating people over text messages, which I think is the biggest looking back at it, the biggest Fu that you could give somebody, because it's like, you're not even to give me the ability to talk to you about this. So you wrote, you rolled out basically what you're saying because you weren't patient enough to wait for the conversation. Oh yeah, but I think it was also a very unique situation right. It was very text based communication and although the conversations were there occasionally, those like once a month or whatever, I wanted it more frequently, wasn't something that that person could provide because of their their situation or whatever. So so love is love is not enough and patients is so part of the part of the you know by but you're right, Charles. No, I you know, I agree. You know, I think everybody makes mistake. No one's perfect, and so that's why I'm saying, like the power of forgiveness is also really extremely important when it comes to astolation, because one thing doesn't that weigh the other. Right, like one one thing. Yeah, when you make fake, one thing isn't going to outweigh the other. You're still both. Y'All, still making mistake. But you have the power to forgive the person. You have the ability to let to hear them and say, you know what, this was stupid, you should not have done that. Right, not do this again. And you know, if the foundation is there, yeah, you have love and you love the person genuinely and you can put this ridiculousness aside and say, I know you made a mistake, you're not going to do it again, and this is how we move forward, right, letter or let's see how we can move forward from here and you start rebuilding right. I mean, that's true. And for given. This is heart and forgiveness is tough for men. We are man stubborn, stubborn, stub or an. I'm Atar, I'm at ours, but I've had to so, funny stars. Yeah, I've had to learn to forgive and that's been a huge part of my growth. Could be able to forgive, to forgive myself and to forgive others who have agreed against me. Yeah, wait, how you said your parents have been together for fifty seven years, fifty four. How many times do you think each one of them forgave each other? Man, look, look at my mother. She was like, I gotta forgive his ass every day. So that's before times three hundred and sixty five. Y'All, that's a lot, I'm and it's interesting. Right, like, I'm not a religious person. I don't believe and I think, but I do respect it and I respect the importance of it people and I think one of the things I always remember there's a saying, biblical sayings, like you have to forgive people seven wisits and then that is to see it. Then, so seventy times seven, HMM, it's and that that stuck with me, as my grandma used to tell me that all the time, because I had a very interesting relationship with my father growing up, and it was always like me trying to forgive it, me trying, but then I just would I would just shut down and block out right. And so now, right after she passed away, I try to live with that. Like you have to forgive people because if you make mistakes every single day, every single day we make mistakes, we stand against ourselves every single day. Yeah, well, makes you think that that person isn't sitting against themselves and against you and it's not purposeful. You know, it wasn't done on purpose. They just had other things they needed to do, right. No, yeah, I totally, I totally agree with you that you have to learn how to forgive. You gotta figure that out and that forgiveness is one of the hardest things that we can do in life. Right, I gotta forgive you and Pooh, it's easy to hold that is easy to hold all of that in, like I hate you, I hate you did this to me, but one of the things we talked about a camelbadventures, where I am the director of the Education Fellowship where we, you know, where we basically believe in women, in entrepreneurs of color, and we fund them as early stage ventures. Is that. We talk about a hundred percent responsibility, like yeah, you agreeged against me, but I still have a hundred percent responsibility and how I react to that. And so often times we loved it. We love to hold a blaze's easy, WHOA, but it's easy, Rida, it's easy. I can blame all of that on you. I take no responsibility. Yep, if I'm mad about it, if I'm angry about it, there's a responsibility, because I don't have to be that can be. You know, you broke my heart rate, and so I've been mad at you for eight hundred and eighteen thousand years, but now I took responsibility...

...to think about that too. Write like it's being angry with somebody not forgiving them is like drinking poison and hoping they die. Really, really, who are you, Modern Day group? See that you just dropping these pearls, drinking porson and hope and K die. Wow, that's the weight of anger, man, is it weight of not forgiving. Somebody's like well, I hope you die now because, yeah, I drink this poison of the anger just in it. Just you know how angry is. It's like it starts right here and starts Oona. And Yeah, you stuck right and you're like okay, but yeah, so would you drink the poison and let the other person died, Charlie, I think at this days in my life, no, I wouldn't drink the poison because the the the person is not going to die, the person who's dying inside of you, right, and so I haven't left. Had to learn to forgive. I mean like for yeah, like to be in space and to be collegial to people who have a I mean seriously agrees to get me, against me and just to be like all right, but look, Charles, I want to thank you so much for joining me today on empowerment and all that. This has been such an awesome episode. I was have a great time when we're on the MIC together. Yeah, like, if anybody wants to listen to what's your revolution show, I'm going to actually put all the information in the show notes so you can reach Dr Charles Corporw ask him some more questions about whether or not love is enough and listen to his podcast. What's your revolution? Yeah, no doubt makes so you check it out everywhere you can. Appreciate the time read. A reader, always love being with you in that smile and, you know, love being one of one of your good friends. I appreciate that title. Well, to the next time you guys. Make sure to keep it positive or don't keep it at all. Thanks for tuning in to empowerment and all that podcast with your host, read of Futista. Want to help me grow the listener tribe. Make sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on instagram and facebook. Under empowerment and all that, and remember, keep it positive or don't keep it at all.

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