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Empodera Latina
Empodera Latina

Season 1, Episode · 2 years ago

Is Love Enough with Dr. Charles Corprew

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Ah, l'amour. Such an amazing feeling and beautiful when everything first starts. The sun shining, the birds chirping but once the honeymoon wears off, or you begin to see your person for who they really are, is love enough to keep the relationship going? For this episode I consulted good friend, Dr. Charles Corprew of the What's your Revolution podcast to give me the males perspective on the topic.  We talk about the fundamentals of a relationship, from communication, commitment type, forgiving and so much more. We even confess about our own person relationships, pluses and mistakes. This podcast is dedicate to all my empowerment circle of supporters and patrons who are loyal followers and support this podcast. For more information on becoming part of the goddesses, visit: https://www.patreon.com/Empowermentandallthat --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rita-bautista/message

You're listening to empowerment and all thatpodcast, your favorite podcast for women's empowerment, hosted by read about Tista. It'stime to be reminded of the authority of your inner goddess and elevate thepower within. Are you ready? Hey, guys, welcome back to another episodeof empowerment and all that, your favorite podcast for female empowerment. I'myour host to read about Tista, and I'm super excited today because I'll betalking with one of my good friends, Dr Charles Sumner Corprew, the third. Yes, y'all, that's his name. Wow, put it all out there, and one of the good things about this episode, you guys,is we're going to be talking about the topic is Love Enough? Now thisfor those out there he are like, Oh my God, here we gorelationships again. But truthfully, love in general as a whole can be appliedto relationships, your your inter relationships with work, your friends, your childrenand, obviously, most importantly with this topic, in partnership. So oneof the cool things about Dr Chiwschool grew is that he actually is a PhDin psychological science. Thank you very much for that, because I know it'sgonna get it wrong, but he's got some amazing insight and one of thegreatest things about having one of your good friends on the show is that youalways get some pretty good dancer, but you get some really great content becauseyou're just being your most honest. And if it's one thing that Dr CharlesCorp grew and I do well is banter and are very honest with our indepth conversations that we tend to have. Yes, we are, and youcan go ahead and put it out to the world what you actually call me, Charlie. Yeah, there we go. You're the only person in the worldthat I allowed to call me Charlie. So I an honor. You're welcome, Rita, and I am I am grateful to actually be on theother side now, to be a guest on your show, because you havebeen like my most favorite guest on the which revolution podcast. So I Iam honored to be on the other side of my hopefully give your listeners everythingthat they want to hear about. Is Love Enough? Funny fact I keepcalling you Charles Corp. Charlie show the first show I was actually ever onwhen it came down to the radio podcast, which his show. What's your revolutionis now on Itunes, right on Itunes, it's on Soundcloud, it'sbomb player. FM is on wherever you want to find it. It's onIheartradio, wherever you need to find what the revolution is right there for you. Yeah, one of the things I love about the topics of Charles showis that he goes into male masculinity and talks about every single thing possible.And what better show for him to come on then, you know, empowermentand all that, the females perspective on all things empowerment. So thanks againfor being on. I'm really excited to dive into this episode today. Obviously, the meat and potatoes of this topic is we think love is enough.Is Love enough to create the foundation of a relationship and keep it going?So that's two questions reading. Is Love enough, you know, to bethe foundation and then to keep it going? So I think my answer to thefirst question is that love has to be the foundation. As I sithere in my house, I can look to the right and see a pictureof my mother Bob. I've had this picture of my house for the lastfifteen years and I had the picture of my house, my first house inVirginia so this picture has got to be at least twenty five years. Theyhave been married for fifty four years for them, and you know that sayssomething. And so the foundation of what they have is love. My fatheris ninety now. My mother is seventy eight, shall be seventy nine intwelve days. My father has alzheimers. She's his caregift. Love is thefoundation of their relationship. But to answer your second question, it can't.Love just is not going to make you through fifty four years. It's friendship, it's trust, its honesty, it is working through the hard times,it is not going to bed mad, it is being vulnerable, it isbeing open, it is growing, it is, you know, making surethat you are your champion for your partner. It is, to me, allof those things and my mother, beautiful, one of the most beautifulpeople that I've ever met inside it out, is my father's champion even now,and he will tell you every day...

...that life has not been the samesince he met her fifty four years ago. But here's the thing, reader,it wasn't always it wasn't always peaches and cream, right, right.Oh, they had, you know, when I was a child, theyhad they had rocky road. Right, it wasn't, but it takes growth. It takes that opportunity to see who am I going to be, howI'm going to show up, how I'm gonna grow you know, we talkedabout this on this show. How are you going to grow up and bea man in your relationship? Say you know what, baby, that hurt. I didn't expect that from you, but that hurt and this is howI'm feeling. And you honor the things that go on in your relationship,and I learned that tonight. How can you, even even in even inthe demise of relationship, can you honor the time that you've had together?You know, I think that is something that we don't we don't honor thattime together people. We just break up and be like, you know,a piece out, I got nothing to do with you. And you honorthat time. I think it's a very beautiful thing that you just said itlike, can you be that person's champion and even at the point where,if it does end, are you still going to champion the time that wespent with each other? Right, like that's a pretty big thing to thinkabout, because most of the time when you break up with somebody, you'rejust like Fu, I don't want to see you again and talk to me, blah, blah, blah, Blah Blah, or which I think issuch a more modern approach that I've been noticing a lot more. If youhave children, like the whole co parenting thing, I think is so beautiful. Right, because just because your relationship broke up doesn't mean that Love wasn'tthere and that that love can't be translated to your children. Right, right, exactly. So I love that you said that, because I am aprofessional single person right now. Really, you can't pay for this professional no, exactly. What does that pay? Like twenty, thirty an hour?I don't know. I mean, we talked about my dog on this showoccasionally, but he's dead. Yeah, so I gotta, I gotta getanother job. Professional single person. You know, we, and you andI have talked what it feels like and in those periods of time when itgets only like I don't want to feel like that. Right, we tellourselves like this is this sucks, but what's the alternative? Sometime, right, I don't want to feel like I'm in this toxic, toxic relationship withthis toxic person and I'm not happy and all I'm trying to do is getout. So I think all we trying to do is find the sweet spot, right. That's very true. Now, it's interesting that you bring up toxicrelationships, because the episode that I was on that I had recently,the one prior to this one, was actually on toxic relationships and one ofthe conversations that we are one of the questions that I had asked her was, you know, can you get out of a toxic relationship and not necessarilylike exit to the left? Out that like, can you actually find yourselfout of the toxicity? And so many people, instead of working on therelationship, which is harder, choose to exit left. and to me,as funny as this is going to sound and really hard for me to admit, it's always easier for me to exit to the left because I feel likethis person doesn't understand me, this person doesn't Blah, Blah Blah, we'renever going to get there, we're never going to understand each other. Butthen I'm like, I see relationships that have been together for like twenty threeyears and they never get each other. And at the basis of that isbecause, for some reason or though they're. At the beginning, they fell inlove with each other so profoundly that they were like, you know what, every single day I'm to choose you. I'm not going to put this pillowover your face today, I'm actually going to let you live another daybecause hopefully today you're going to get it right. Yeah, no, Ihave a good friend. Her name is Christy Lion, and her and herhusband have been married, you know, public clost to thirty years and I'mprobably putting her business outstreats, but yeah, you didn't have to put a herwhole name. I know, right, tagger. Yeah, yeah, atChristy Lions, but what? That was one thing that she says.She's like, I choose my husband every day. And she's like, I'mnot on put our business other space, but she's like I know how tomake my marriage work every day, and she says we do that every day. Right. He's like, I understand that I have a man and Ihave a man's man. Right, and to to honor our marriage, I'mgoing to make sure that he knows that I love him every day and hechooses me every day, and so we have that ability to love each othershe's like, it's not easy every day. It's not easy every day, butwe choose to love each other and we choose to honor our relationship andwe know some of the things that we're good so I appreciate I appreciate itthat. But it also brought me back this conversation that you know, we'vehad over a number of time is how do you work through the toxicity?And goes back to our our theme,...

...because it's like you said, it'seasy to exit, stays up. This is a toxic relationship. We didn'tsay abusive relationship, right, we said toxic and there's a difference between andI think about my past relationship that you and I have talked at linked about. You know, we'll call her miss stantiego right, Carmon garments and Diego. We had a toxic relationship and it didn't start out like that. Well, maybe I did, because there were there was outlying there were out youknow, forces that were outside of our our ability to control. That createdthe toxicity anyway, but we never ever really addressed how to get out ofthe toxicity. It was as easier to all right, peace exits, staysleft. All Right, I love you I'm gonna get back in this.I'Ma jump back in, but we didn't do the healthy work around. Whatdoes it mean that we're into knowledge, that we're in a toxic relationship,and then what does it mean? What does it mean and what does itlook like for us to be healthy, because either for easy, easy foryou say I'm gonna find somebody else, and it is not that I don'thave to deal with this Tocicity, but you won't. You can't carry thattoxicity with you because it doesn't change until you addressed. So I think that'sa really good point, right, but I I'm not a professional atist.Again, I'm professional being single. But I would say that in order todo that, someone has to been someone else been your someone has to bendand say and not be afraid of being vulnerable instead of being those two kidsthat are like fighting each other. Have you ever seen that? There waslike burning man had an amazing sculpture where it's like two adult people that havetheir backs to each other and the children are on the inside, like tryingto break through and touch each other's hands, and it's like, I think it'slike the most amazing sculpture ever because I'm like, that's what that's essentiallywhat love is. Is like people who, MMM, I get actually, asadults, you have to create these like ideas of what a relationship is. That the two kids on the inside, those are the ones that fell inlove, right, because you feel all giddy and like everything's amazing.You feel very free and liberated when you're adult things start falling in yeah,Oh this, oh that. It's the perfect example. is like the chasemode, right, when the man like, Oh my God, he could literallybring the moon down from the from the sky when he's chasing you.But when he knows he got to you, then he's like, all right,I'm done, like I'm good, back to being an adult that's aboutto go shakin, like what just happened? You know, let me bring youthis kid Kat. You'd be good. My daddy brought me because no expectation. Right. Yeah, so, you know, looking at that culture, I'm always I always think about that. I'm like, you know, whenyou adults are fighting each other, they really are like, you know, what they say is like each mind a different world, and so,like you don't understand the other person, one person or to break and staylisten. I'm going to be the vulnerable one and unfortunately, for a lotof relationship, women tend to be the ones to break and be vulnerable,and I think we're in a place now where women are getting tired of theovermasculinity and having to be the one to always break and always be like okay, like you know, you've been getting on my nerves and and you playthis like adult role, but the kids on the insider, like, youknow, I just want to get back to that happy place again. Yo, there are a lot of things that come up right now that bubble up. So the first thing was like, you'll know men like that. Iread it goes you'll know us like that, and then I'm like, but that'swhy you do the show, Charles, so you need to acknowledge that.And so you're right. You are right, and say that one moretime for the listeners can hear that you. You're right. Read it and youknow, thinking about the situation that we talked about earlier, you knowthe events of this eat and you know I'll even talk about I'll even talkabout the ends of events of this this evening. You know, I've beenseeing a woman for a little while and you know, we just kind ofclicked. It was good, it was worth it felt good, it feltright and, you know, kind of cut out all the all the othernoise that was going on. And but we hadn't had those we hadn't hadone of the foundational conversations that needed to have. And then once we hadit, it was like we were are, we're on two different islands, tworeally, really different islands, and so because of that, you know, we've got to we basically have to...

...say, you know what, Hey, we gotta we got to let this go. So I felt myself likebeing like that little boy, like I got time for this, like I'mgonna just buck up, like whatever, peace, I'll let your boy later. Whenever, when you ever you realize like you're losing something good, right, is that ego? Let me finish store. Yeah, right, butit isn't. But it is ego. And you know the beautiful woman thatshe is, and you know our time together it just beautiful. magically,I mean I could use all of these various adjectives that go along with thetime. But she said, I hear some things in you and I wantto make sure that we honor this time together our long, or however shortagthis bed. And it was like almost like Oh, I'm gonna keep punchingthe gut, but it was a punch the gut like yes, honor thistime, be vulnerable to say how you feel about this space that we've beenin. And the reality is that, because we have a difference in ourcore values, we're going to walk away from this. But but allow yourselfto be vulnerable enough to honor the time that we've had together. And,like you said, we don't do that, we don't honor that time. Peoplecome into your space and they're there and to be amicable and to tojust say, you know what I'm I'm grateful for this time with you,which is hard because minute like, you know what, allow my I allowedmyself to be one with you. I have feelings for you, like you'renot going to work this shit out, you say, and then you're like, all right, but I think we have to get to that space forthis. That's what I'm saying and that's what I'm trying to push with ourbrothers on the show. Like think of that, figure it out, growyou know how to be vulnerable enough to be in space with the people whoyou love. I think that's such an amazing perspective. I mean, haha ha. I'm like, yeah, you know, I love that.Again, honor thing. It's really it doesn't matter if it was a lifetimeor two months, like being respectful enough, and I love her perspective, becausethat's going to haunt you forever. Why does it have to haunt me? We see many is that there is that reader. That's a that's ano, that sounds like that sounds some projection from really just gonna Haunt you, Charles. I'm just getting yeah, want to get married. That's whatit is. I don't want to get married. I want to be ina long term, loving, monogamous relationship, but I don't want to be married, you know. And so if that's, if that's a part ofour conversation tonight, like, is Love Enough? No, love is notenough. Simply it's not enough. It is so many things that have tohappen for a relationship to be right. I could love you. I loveyou. Read Them Really, I love you too, but I think thatthat's a good point, right, like relationships do need so much more thanjust that initial feeling. Right, because as much as love is beautiful andthe movies make us all feel as though, you know, love's just going tocarry us through, Love's gonna get us out of hunger and poverty andall of this sudd's like. No, love is that you still have towork and you still have to create. If you have to do x,Y Z, and it's like that's not enough for one single person, thenwhat is enough to carry a relationship through? Right, because you can have loveas the foundation that actually helped create it, but then you need therest of the building blocks, right. That's man. Yeah, and theand those building box have to be the word I want to say is correlative. But I think you know those building block. There's some room exactly exactly, but they have to match that you have to found, you know,some foundational pieces that actually match as your building is. My therapist says allthe time, when you overlay the two of you right, you don't haveto be like like anig perfect match for each other, but you should beat least be a Venn diagram where there's a lot of matching that's going alongbetween the two things. And your question is what do you need is youneed to have similar I'm not saying that all of your core values need tobe the same, but you need to have similar core value and like ifyou don't eat well or think about your health, like taking care of yourbody and thinking about what you're putting in your body to take care of that. That's a core value for me. And if we don't match on that, then we're going to we're going to have problem, right, because we'regoing to be fighting over what you're putting...

...in your body. And can Isay something really good? Yeah, it, we're good. No, go ahead, it's better. As much as I love what you're saying right now, I think one part that you're forgetting is that we cannot control anybody else. Totally agree. Hold, totally agree. No, I'm not. No,I'm just getting wait, wait, Charles, wait Charlie before, I'mnot saying that. But the building, the building blocks have to be there. So if that those core values are there, you can continue to build, but without those core values. What I'm saying is that you may tryto control that situation when you why you eating that cheese Burger and FRY,right? Why don't you eating this impossible burger. Yo, you haven't hadan impossible burger. I'm good, Bro, I do. Do you U Burger's? I gave up red meat, but yeah, may gets to animpossible burger. Yes, you're missing out on life. I'm good. I'malready missing out on beef burgers. So we're good. Right. So Ithink that's you know, that's the piece. What do you what do you think? You know, has to be if we're building, if we arebuilding this perfect relationship or we're building the relationship that we want, because nothing'sperfect. What else has to be there? You know, I think, honestly, a common ground of being able to work through issues, not leavingthe issue on the table, but actually working through them together. Apologies andforgiveness are huge because, you know, what if I want to eat abe what if I want to eat a burger today? What if I'm tired? What if you don't know all the stress I've been under and I justwant to eat this burger and I don't want to talk to you right now, and I know you're going to complain about it in like five minutes,but it's like I need two. One forgive you for trying to control mefor eating this beam Burger or is regular burger. But honestly, it reallyI think truthfully, because we are all our own independent people, we're goingto make mistakes and some of us make them every single day, and it'sall about not being afraid to apologize and not being afraid to forgive somebody andmove past that. You know, it's through from yeah, as reading theother days psychology today. You really know me, as you know me,I love reading like all of these like personal development. It's all the stuff. And it was talking about not about how it's bad to argue. Ifeel that personally I'm just like I'm so overarguing, like as soon as Ifeel like something's in blow up, I'm like, yeah, I'm done,hands up, I'm over. I quit. I'm not doing this anymore as aleft right. But it was talking about like the the couples that actuallyargue more. Now, not abusive arguing right, but like people who actuallyargue more and are able to work through that like the next day or,you know, continue working through their relationships. They get stronger because of their arguing. And I'm like, who wants to live in that Jesus and hewants to argue with you reading Lord, because I'm right. But no,I've read that research as well, you know, and so that's interesting thatyou say that, because I don't like conflict and with Miss San Diego wewould have conflict and we would have argument, but we also had great makeup argumentas well. Round, chicken, Brown. Okay, did you sayBrown? Chicken, Brown cow. Yeah, your Corny, like you are thequeen of corn. Yeah, but I think that was one of thegreat that was one of the big parts about that that we could make upand we took. If we're thinking about the found nations of relationships, physicalcapacity with each other, because you know, physical attraction and they yeah, andchemistry. No, chemistry. When you kiss, when you kiss thatperson the first time, do you know like wow, that that feeling,like like going to a wedding and like okay, moving on and you know, you just walk in this person to the car and they and they kissyou and you're like Oh, I'm damn yeah, yeah, that is you'resaying, like the moment of like that, you feel them like no, Ithink that's that's a great part, right. That that's the part.That's the initial I am PREC I want to find but unique past. Yeah, tell the story. Yeah, exactly,...

...don't go anywhere without proper MMM MMM. You know, I think and and I think that that is probablyone of my heart stop yeah, I got my moment. I'm not perfect. Really tell us your story. Oh, yeah, I have many stories,but you know, we'll just say a long distance has been something thatI was frequently used to last couple of years, on and off or whatever. And Long Story Short, one of the biggest problems for me is ifI'm not getting adequate communication, it doesn't matter how busy I am, youknow, I mean, I think that's one of the things that is veryinteresting when you when they're like, oh, the chase, you got to looklike you're busy, you got to do this, you got to dothat. It's like yeah, it's absolutely true. I'm if anybody's busy,I am like the busiest of busy right right now, I'm working on thepodcast I just started letting up podcasters, which is a group to bring lettinga podcasters together. I am, you know, working my full time job, which is in medical to medical the medical sales industry, and I'm alsohelping out with a political campaign so I'm busy. But the thing is isthat Beto, I'm not even going to talk to you right now. No, no, I actually would have voted for Beto. I wasn't a residentyet at the state attack of the Great State of Texas everything bule on,ule on casphe needs to stay in the race to it is hopefully, I'mhoping he yeah, you know. I mean, obviously he's not the frontrunner, won't be the front runner, but I think this guy, andfollowing his career for so many years, I really did and wrote, tobe some really amazing politician for the rest of his life. So I reallyanyway, back to communication, community. Is Love enough in politic no,okay, Um, oh, it's enough in Pola thing, your girl fromCalifornia. It's enough. Oh boy, it's all right. It's a lot, but but you talked about communication and yeah, yeah, you're longestations.Yeah, and you know, it is always a big deal. It's likeif you're not communicating. Yeah, I mean, and everybody has a differentcommunication style, right. Some people like the text message all day long,some people just need a five minute check in. It's not even a fulddive into a phone call. Or you know, give me your life story. I just want to fall in love on the phone. Sometimes it's likeI don't want to talk to you, but I'm calling you because you youmatter, you matter, and the thing is is, you know, theother thing is compromising like that is a very, very important part of arelationship. Is We do have our core values, we do have our fundamentals, but are you willing to compromise with the person that you're in union withif this person wants you to get married and you don't want to get marriedbecause that's a core value of yours? You're sticking to that, right,yeah, and and she does. It's like, was this the time tohave a conversation yet? And that's also something that I'm learning to is likewhen do you have the complicated conversations and when do you hold back from thecomplicated conversation? Continue to flow with it and see what happens, because maybeif time would have naturally just allowed itself to show you guys you weren't compatible, you would have continued to have a great time with each other. Soyou lost me there, because one I'll go I'll go back to answer thisquestion. One I think you have the foundational questions early when you're when you'remy age right, maybe not. You know, if you're youthful, whentea stuff and my age of whatever is almostop telling people mays. I realizedthat you don't have to. You look youreful. Thank you, thank you. Wait, way to pull that back. I like. But I think youhave those foundational conversations if you're looking to settle down and be, youknow, in whatever you define as a relationship. You know you have thosefoundations. Do you want to have children? Do you want to get married?Where do you want to live? How? You know, those typesof things. But the other thing that I say, and I love thatyou talk about communication. Read it, is that I read this book maybefifteen years ago, but one of the things it talks about is that youvomit in moderation. And so it's an interesting concept because sometimes we get inrelationships in this new and then we were like, Blah, let me tellyou everything about my life, all my perils, all the good to everythingright, and then all of a sudden you like where did where did heor she go? Because you have vomitted every everything about your life. Thinkabout that, think a about that. Worst first date and the guys justlike or the woman is just like everything...

...you like. I can't get outof this date fast enough. You know, I can told you exit less ridity. Yes, yes, but that was one of the things that sheand I work through, is that we're going to vomit. And moderation,and so we established this level of conversation like okay, are we ready toare we ready to have this level of conversation? So you broach it inthat manner, like are we ready, because I'm about to about to dropsome things about me that I don't I may or may not know if you'reready to handle. And so communication is huge, but I push it topeople as you're getting to know someone in your building relationship, bombit and moderation. Now see where your relationship is before you talk about past histories of past, past histories of trauma or different things. That person may not be ready orequip for something like that, and allow them see where they are,because if they're not ready to handle your trauma or handle your life story,then maybe that's not your person. What you know, if people know,people understand this is we are also videoing this so I can see Rita's facialexpressions. YEA, that, yeah, that loving look in your face rightout of you. Yeah, now, I don't if anybody knows rid itand Charlie, when they get on a podcast or radio show, it ismad jokes with each other the whole time. I always get that. I thinkyour producer told me one time tech or message, which was like Iwas just listening to the show and I was cracking out the entire Di waslike, yeah, I keep telling Charlie that we need a podcast together.Okay, I'm not going to tell you what she said the first time.You want the show. It's fine, we don't vomit moderation, I justwant yeah, I don't want to tell that story out of Blair. Letme tell it. You know that's they like being a person who's becoming somuch more selfaware. I know that that is something that I do. Naturally, I talked about everything to everyone because in some sense, of myself,but I truly believe that people have everyone's best interests in mind, like weall have each other's best interests at heart, and so I'm like, well,if I'm the one who puts myself out there first, then other peoplewill feel more comfortable talking about their insecurities and their vulnerabilities because I'm not afraidto do that. And, believe it or not, about seventy five percentof the time that actually work, because once they see that I'm not afraidof my vulnerabilities and they're open to speak about theirs. It's weird but inturn right, like, I do agree with what you're saying. I meansbetter to just like let it out slowly than to just vomit all over them. That it. Let it out slowly, read you know, and I letit out slowly. You are the most amazing Latina podcast but that I'veever met. Now I think I'm the only one he's ever met. Yeah, probably so, but yeah, yeah, yeah, oh good, oh good. What what else? I mean, as we as we think about this, what would you want? It's funny when you get to two hoston once. You know, what's that? Other carls know what I think.I've interviewed you on your show. Do Sometimes, but I know that'show that's what how we do it. We're good like that. Yeah,yeah, is Love Enough? And we said No. We talked about communication, you know, honesty, you know, talking about those foundational blocks, notvomiting in moderation. What out? What's going to make this work?What we say, compromise as well. Right, oh, that's right,I forgot compromise. And I think it's also the ability to stay. Areyou going to stay when that person is having we becaus themselves and being pissedoff? Are you going to stay when that person is, you know,having a hard week? Are you going to stay when they hit a nerve, or are you going to stay when they say it's something that you knowis your soft spot and you don't like people to say or talk about?Are you going to stay when things are great? Are you going to staywhen you're scared that they're getting too close? Yeah, he'll tell your story,red, me tell the story. Tell them. I'm sorry, tellthe story now. Well, you know, I think this thing is so ingeneral, I've been the kind of person that I'm open to giving peoplesecond chance, that they actually seem as...

...though they it looks like it's progressinginto a second chance. Right, are the Queen of second chance. Okay, I believe in people. I don't know why and I know it's terribleand I'm probably learning to this my my therapist probably listening to me right nowbeing like stop, bad now are but here's thick. Right, there arechances when people make mistakes and they they learn, they grow and things changewith time. They're not going to change a hundred percent, fundamentally right,but people do learn through their mistake and I know I've made a lot ofmistake. So giving somebody second opportunities not beyond me if I know that ourcore values actually are the same. Right, I'm agree. forgiveness. You know, forgiveness is a part of life. And can you bring yourself? Iforgive everybody? Man, I don't, and that's that's truly one of myfundamentals to like, I do forgive people because we are human, becausewe can make mistake. I should. I make mistakes all the time.I cut the cord too soon sometimes. You know I mean like this.This is something that I've noticed and truthfully, in this last talking ship, Idon't even know what the hell to call it. situationship, that's whatwe call them. I hate that things. Alationship, you know, like whatis the situationship? It's not a relationship. It's not. You're not, he's not your boyfriend. You know, not your boyfriend is? He's notyour boyfriend. Boy, don't even call you his girlfriend. That's yeah, but you know, what's that Dud's name? Not My boyfriend. TryHarder, is what his name? No, you know, and I think thatit lies in expectation, right, and I think expectation is the martyrof letting people down, right. HMM. Say That again. Expectation is themartyr. It's the martyr of letting people down, because when you goahead, I'm sorry, go, go, Louis, no, I can't hear. Okay, yeah, Oh, yeah. So expectation, I feellike, is, yeah, when you have expectations as somebody, and we'renot supposed to write the actually, when you start to feel emotions for somebodyor you start to see them in a different light thing you were seeing thembefore, because you're letting them in, you start to grow these random expectationsfor people. They don't meet them, because nobody ever will get mad andyou, you know, you just give that and say yeah, I meanyou're right, expectations. I love that. I gotta use that. Expectations ofthe are the martyr of I can't remember what I just said. Well, we have to reward that back. I get wait to hear that ofthe mark. I mean, yeah, it's amazing, like it's also themartyr of happiness too. But yeah, and so you're right, because onceyou begin to this, a lot of research on like couples rhythms, likehow they sink up, and you know you could manipulate this, right,but you get into a rhythm to get and the calls, the visits,how you going to just you know how you going to maneuver together. Andwhat happens is that when those chains you because you've created expectation. It's fivePM, right, Charlie's going to call me a five pm every day,right. And when, so six o'clock comes on a Thursday, you likeYo, what you've been for the last hour? Because you've set that sink, you've set that X, you've set that expectation, and expectations can bereally good. So I'm setting the expectation of this is what I expect.But we also have to allow for some fluidity in the expectations as well,because stuff does have right, my phone die. Yeah, men accidentally forgettheir phones for a week. I get that. You know, I'm aworld where everyone is connected to their cell phone like it's their hand. Right, my phone die anymore? Yeah, right, but no, what I'msaying something came up. It doesn't mean so when you get a text lateron in the day, later on, or hey, hey, love them. Sorry. So the expectation should also be hey, love, I'm sorry. I know it's supposed to. You know, we've been talking every day. If five something came up, I just want to let you know everythingis good. I'll call you soon. So there's also that level of expectation. Can you communicate? And you communicate. Yes, and it's I think it'salso wrapped up in some parts of respect as well. Now, MMM, there, if you start building, that's to say it was thinking sinking. Yeah, one, it's a level of how how are you going tocontinue the level of respect for that person to let them know, hey,look, you know what, I'm kind of busy or I'm a little tiredof a headache, I don't really want to talk today. Okay, right, yeah, and and and just communicating...

...that. And we get, youknow, we get caught up sometimes and or sometimes you gotta have sometimes yougotta just pick up the phone and call right, even if it's two minuteslike you said, because I have lost relationships because we can infer tone.Right, hey, Riada, have look, Hey Riada, how are you?Question Mark Peace, we're just like what's so, what's all you feelingbad? Ye, you can't, because that's not how we usually talk toeach other. HMM, but you have inferred my tone. I can belike hey, really, we never can, we never can infer tone. Doyou know there's an APP coming out now that tries to infer tone basedon tech and allows you to decipher your tone before you send the text?That is awful. Can we just say I've gotten so far away from hearingeach other's voices, like it's unacceptable. I don't get it. Like there'ssome things about being old fashions, like I love a good old fashion phonecall, like ask right, I call you right, like I'm not sayingright whatever, but like I like to listen to the person I'm talking toyou, and that's it. That goes with everybody, like my friends,my good friend, what are my good friends? Hector, I'll call him. I've been calling him some because I was nineteen at his job, atwork when he's working, and he's like, Hey, I'm working, I waslike they you're not. Hey, look, so I have to talkto you about something. He's like fine, let me go close my door,you know. So I met this guy named Charlie. It's Charlie,always answers the phone like but it's true, though, like with my friends,you know, I I've gotten to his form where my I het techmessages, like I do it because that's what we have to communicate these days. But everybody, because everyone sent that instant gratification, right. Yeah,I don't want to see. I want I want to see dot, dotdot, like quickly. Well, we use that, that dot on menbecause we like to play with Yale's mind. So I'm kidding. Love is enough, you heard. Clearly, is not enough when you're in an appleworld. Look, just look, just typing, still typing. You're like, Dang, a book, is she? But exactly? And then all ofa sudden you get hey, really, all that? All that these that'sbeen least. That's been rolling for thirty minutes. Hey, trashy.You know, that's after y'all disappeared or something happened. They want to tellyou that, they want to tell you off, and then they're like,you know what, let me not. Let me not write a book,let me just explain. Hey, period, okay, period. Hey, look, you want to talk about? Is Love Enough? What you needto do in the communication. Don't have conversations about your relationship over tech,like that's true. Yeah, people will write a book about how they're feelingsand that. Pick up the phone, like, are you kidding me?Now, I gotta infer all of this, like where you would like I loveyou or I hate you or all of these things about the relationship.I got to infer that you aren't saying this in a loving tone or no, because most of the times we go to the negative, right we're like, oh, you crazy, crazy, bleep, bleep, you know said. And No, pick up the phone, have a have a my text breakups. They're not good enough. No, I know, I thinkdepending on the break Oh, respectful, if there was. So that's agood question. I want to ask. Can you break up with someone overtech? Man, I love I love being on the show with you. God, we could make millions of dollars together. We could. Please, let's startnow. If you want to sponsor us, just drop a line.Exactly exactly. But you know, I think, looking back at recent situations. HMM, it could be disrespectful to that right period, a period.It could be disrespected to do that period. It be disrespectful. Comma period,period. Yeah, you know, I think you have a point andyou know, for me, and this is growth as my as a person. Right, I know one of my biggest problems because of anxiety is patients. HMM, is having the patients wait until the person's available to talk aboutwhat I'm feeling right and you want to talk about right now. Yeah,but I'm got better. Right. Definitely got a lot better at the approachof the text messages, but it you know, I definitely had have somegrowth to do. And Yeah, I...

...can. I can admit when I'vemade mistakes and yeah, I'd have in the past made mistakes rive ended relationshipsor dating people over text messages, which I think is the biggest looking backat it, the biggest Fu that you could give somebody, because it's like, you're not even to give me the ability to talk to you about this. So you wrote, you rolled out basically what you're saying because you weren'tpatient enough to wait for the conversation. Oh yeah, but I think itwas also a very unique situation right. It was very text based communication andalthough the conversations were there occasionally, those like once a month or whatever,I wanted it more frequently, wasn't something that that person could provide because oftheir their situation or whatever. So so love is love is not enough andpatients is so part of the part of the you know by but you're right, Charles. No, I you know, I agree. You know, Ithink everybody makes mistake. No one's perfect, and so that's why I'msaying, like the power of forgiveness is also really extremely important when it comesto astolation, because one thing doesn't that weigh the other. Right, likeone one thing. Yeah, when you make fake, one thing isn't goingto outweigh the other. You're still both. Y'All, still making mistake. Butyou have the power to forgive the person. You have the ability tolet to hear them and say, you know what, this was stupid,you should not have done that. Right, not do this again. And youknow, if the foundation is there, yeah, you have love and youlove the person genuinely and you can put this ridiculousness aside and say,I know you made a mistake, you're not going to do it again,and this is how we move forward, right, letter or let's see howwe can move forward from here and you start rebuilding right. I mean,that's true. And for given. This is heart and forgiveness is tough formen. We are man stubborn, stubborn, stub or an. I'm Atar,I'm at ours, but I've had to so, funny stars. Yeah, I've had to learn to forgive and that's been a huge part of mygrowth. Could be able to forgive, to forgive myself and to forgive otherswho have agreed against me. Yeah, wait, how you said your parentshave been together for fifty seven years, fifty four. How many times doyou think each one of them forgave each other? Man, look, lookat my mother. She was like, I gotta forgive his ass every day. So that's before times three hundred and sixty five. Y'All, that's alot, I'm and it's interesting. Right, like, I'm not a religious person. I don't believe and I think, but I do respect it and Irespect the importance of it people and I think one of the things Ialways remember there's a saying, biblical sayings, like you have to forgive people sevenwisits and then that is to see it. Then, so seventy timesseven, HMM, it's and that that stuck with me, as my grandmaused to tell me that all the time, because I had a very interesting relationshipwith my father growing up, and it was always like me trying toforgive it, me trying, but then I just would I would just shutdown and block out right. And so now, right after she passed away, I try to live with that. Like you have to forgive people becauseif you make mistakes every single day, every single day we make mistakes,we stand against ourselves every single day. Yeah, well, makes you thinkthat that person isn't sitting against themselves and against you and it's not purposeful.You know, it wasn't done on purpose. They just had other things they neededto do, right. No, yeah, I totally, I totallyagree with you that you have to learn how to forgive. You gotta figurethat out and that forgiveness is one of the hardest things that we can doin life. Right, I gotta forgive you and Pooh, it's easy tohold that is easy to hold all of that in, like I hate you, I hate you did this to me, but one of the things we talkedabout a camelbadventures, where I am the director of the Education Fellowship wherewe, you know, where we basically believe in women, in entrepreneurs ofcolor, and we fund them as early stage ventures. Is that. Wetalk about a hundred percent responsibility, like yeah, you agreeged against me,but I still have a hundred percent responsibility and how I react to that.And so often times we loved it. We love to hold a blaze's easy, WHOA, but it's easy, Rida, it's easy. I can blame allof that on you. I take no responsibility. Yep, if I'mmad about it, if I'm angry about it, there's a responsibility, becauseI don't have to be that can be. You know, you broke my heartrate, and so I've been mad at you for eight hundred and eighteenthousand years, but now I took responsibility...

...to think about that too. Writelike it's being angry with somebody not forgiving them is like drinking poison and hopingthey die. Really, really, who are you, Modern Day group?See that you just dropping these pearls, drinking porson and hope and K die. Wow, that's the weight of anger, man, is it weight of notforgiving. Somebody's like well, I hope you die now because, yeah, I drink this poison of the anger just in it. Just you knowhow angry is. It's like it starts right here and starts Oona. AndYeah, you stuck right and you're like okay, but yeah, so wouldyou drink the poison and let the other person died, Charlie, I thinkat this days in my life, no, I wouldn't drink the poison because thethe the person is not going to die, the person who's dying insideof you, right, and so I haven't left. Had to learn toforgive. I mean like for yeah, like to be in space and tobe collegial to people who have a I mean seriously agrees to get me,against me and just to be like all right, but look, Charles,I want to thank you so much for joining me today on empowerment and allthat. This has been such an awesome episode. I was have a greattime when we're on the MIC together. Yeah, like, if anybody wantsto listen to what's your revolution show, I'm going to actually put all theinformation in the show notes so you can reach Dr Charles Corporw ask him somemore questions about whether or not love is enough and listen to his podcast.What's your revolution? Yeah, no doubt makes so you check it out everywhereyou can. Appreciate the time read. A reader, always love being withyou in that smile and, you know, love being one of one of yourgood friends. I appreciate that title. Well, to the next time youguys. Make sure to keep it positive or don't keep it at all. Thanks for tuning in to empowerment and all that podcast with your host,read of Futista. Want to help me grow the listener tribe. Make sureto subscribe to this podcast and follow us on instagram and facebook. Under empowermentand all that, and remember, keep it positive or don't keep it atall.

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