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Empodera Latina
Empodera Latina

Season 1, Episode · 2 years ago

Challenge Yourself to Conquer Vulnerability

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Don't let vunerability stop you in your tracks and let your fear win! In this episode, I talk about ways for you to identify your vulnerability, challenge yourself and push against the fear. Lean in and just do it, rip off the band-aid already. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rita-bautista/message

You're listening to empowerment and all that podcast, your favorite podcast for women's empowerment, hosted by Rita Bautista. It's time to be reminded of the authority of your inner goddess and elevate the power within. Are you ready? Hey, guys, it's ready to hear with empowerment and all that, your favorite podcast for female empowerment. So, for today's show, you, guys, I'm going to share some of my own personal stories about vulnerability and how I've always been able able to overcome those moments that I fear the most. So when you think about vulnerability, you have that feeling, that thought of fear in the pit of your stomach. It's that moment when someone tells you to go speak to someone new that you don't know. It's that second where someone asks you to or you're interested in someone and you don't want to approach them because you're uncomfortable, or it's the moment where you're supposed to ask for your rays at work and you're really uncomfortable and you're just like, you know what, I would if I get denied? What if that person tells me know what? If I don't get that rays, that I deserve and I know that I deserve, but I'm trusting this gut feeling, that's the negative gut feeling that's telling me, you know what, maybe today is not the day. Maybe my fear of the feeling is going to overpower me actually moving. And you know what's sad about that is that sometimes we allow vulnerability to take over our lives and that ability to let vulnerability take over your life keeps you stuck in a space where you're not moving forward. And when I say that,...

...let's take those three examples I just gave. Right, like if somebody tells you to go speak to a stranger. I'm a very social person, but even I can be the introvert extrovert at times where I'm like man, I have to talk to another new person. I don't even know this person. What if they're judging me? What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm crazy for coming up to them? What if? What if? What if? What if? Right, or moving to the other the other example that I gave was talking to or going up to a crush and telling them, hey, you know, let's get that Cup of coffee or let's go here, let's go there, or I'm interested in you, or or the other part, which is basically the asking for a raise when you know you deserve it. Right in those three scenarios, that can put you in a very UNCO comfortable place in general. Now, the thing is is that we forget that fear basically paralyzes US right. So when it paralyzes us, it stops us from truly living our truest self in our truest lives. And the thing about it is when when you stop yourself in your tracks right, you're stopping your life, you're stopping your ability to continue going forward. Now, I'm not saying that vulnerability is a weakness. It's absolutely not. It's actually a strength, because it gives you the ability to recognize those things that give you a hard stop right, those things that make you overthink, those things that are telling you that maybe I'll be ashamed or uncomfortable or vulnerable, or maybe this person will reject me. And the truth of the matter is is that with vulnerability, what we are afraid of is not actually the action, but the potential of being rejected, the potential of you going up to this new person that you don't know and saying hi, my name is...

Rita, and that person just looking at you, let you're crazy and walking away from you, or the person that you're interested in telling you that they're actually involved with someone, or your boss telling you, Hey, you know what, yeah, I don't think you deserve that raise. But here's what you forget. That rejection, it only happens fifty percent of the time when you go through a scenario like that. So fifty percent of the time, right that you go up to that particular person, that particular person may deny your presence. Fifty percent of the time that you ask somebody, they have the ability to tell you yes or no, if they want to go out on a date with you or if they're interested in you. And fifty percent of the time when your boss asks you for or when you go and ask for a raise, fifty percent of the time they have the ability to say no. But here's the thing, they have the ability to say yes. So you're stopping yourself from allowing the Yes to come to you. You're stopping your positivity in its tracks. And what happens there is that when we start to allow fear to run our lives, right when we are start to allow these barriers to run our lives. We get into this place where sometimes anxiety starts to build, you start to get really uncomfortable in scenarios where you're not comfortable being in your own skin, and then you allow for things to just get stuck. And why stay stuck when you have the ability to move forward? One of the things that I realized about myself, and this is something that I actually truly do love about myself, and it can be really scary sometimes when I look at back at some of the things that I've just pushed myself to do, but I literally see something that I makes me uncomfortable and...

I don't say no, I run straight into the wall. Now, I'm not telling you that it's always been like the best idea in the world, right, because I have also been faced with challenges and things that didn't work. But what for those things that didn't work? At least I write, I recognize that those things didn't work. I was able to learn a lesson, of valuable lesson about myself and obviously if something that I can pivot and change in the future. But if I would not have done that, I would not have moved now I remember I was going through those moments of anxiety and vulnerability about four or five years ago. And you know, I've talked very candidly about my journey with therapy and my therapist used to tell me all the time she's like, you know, Rita, I you look at like mile three, hundred and sixty five without getting to mile one yet. So when you start to feel uncomfortable, think about like that big task of asking your boss for a raise. Instead of asking it like, instead of thinking about it that big just think about the first thing that you would do, which is essentially maybe sent an email and say hey, I'd like to talk to you, and then maybe the second thing would be like hey, I need to do some research and figure out exactly what the Rais is going to be. What are the things that I've done to prove myself so that you're more prepared to go in? So that situation would be a little bit more comfortable. Right maybe in certain scenarios, like asking your specific crush or the person you're interested in if they would be interested in going out with you, that situation is obviously a lot different, just because, yeah, there is a fifty chance, but you can't necessarily prepare for it. The only thing you can do in those situations is just dive in and say something, because if not, you'll go years without ever telling somebody. And have you ever...

...had that situation where you've been extremely like you've been liking someone for a very long time and then it goes and it turns into the friend zone because you never acted on that situation? And sometimes, as women, we spend our times waiting for the man to take take step one or make a move in that situation, when we could have easily just said something and he would have been like, oh, I didn't think you'd ever be interested in me. You are more beautiful, more attractive than anybody I thought would be interested in me, and maybe he's just a little bit intimidated by you. I know for sure a lot of people have been intimidated by me throughout my life because I have a very strong personality. But you know, if you don't make that move, if you don't say something, you're basically going to keep yourself back from those kind of things. Now let's talk about for a second just some of the reasons why people are afraid of jumping in right obviously, the number one number one thing is like the fear of being hurt, the fear of opening yourself up. And you know what, if this person doesn't like me, and they definitely do, say no. Well, here's the thing. It's hard when we want to protect ourselves from everything. It's hard when we've had past situations that have scared us into believing that we are not going to be hurt again in our lives. But here's the one thing. Bob Marley, I think, said it best when he says you know everyone's going to hurt you just have to pick the right one. You know you can't close yourself off forever because you're afraid that someone's going to hurt you. You know family members hurt us, friends hurt us, but doesn't mean that we have to seclude ourselves from everyone just because of that. And you know,...

...the more the more you know the way you want to be loved, the easier that gets. To write. So I think that's probably diving a little too deep for this vulnerability episode. But the more you open up, the more the ability the other person has to get to you. And the thing is is that you know that doesn't matter. I think a lot of people get stuck in their head sometimes and they start to worry about what are others are thinking, and that is really the core of a lot of the fears that we have, and some of those stem back to childhood with our parents. What's my mom going to think? What am my parents think? What am my cousin's going to think? What are my sisters going to think? Blah Blah, friends, society, all that Jazz. And I just finished watching this awesome show called LACA. Said they lost the last Floridis, or the House of flowers, on Netflix, and that show is awesome. I haven't watched like a Spanish down novella in a long time. If you have stub titles, I recommend listening watching the show because it's really funny. But I think one of the great the greatest things about that show is it it teaches that lesson that worrying what other people's think can really cause an issue for you personally, because you're not allowing your personal self to live your life. You're living mom life, you're living becky's life, you're living the IJUANI, that or everybody else's life other than your own. When you are not allowing yourself to not care about other people's thoughts. You don't have to worry about appearing weak or appearing vulnerable, because the thing is is that no one in this world has it all together. No one, no one under the Sun will know that. You know that this is this is what you want and...

...that's what you should go with. And the thing is is sometimes when you pull away from the grain, you can actually create something more beautiful in that in that opportunity, then had you had stayed in your lane, that your parents or your friends or your cousins or everyone had drawn in these boundaries for you. You know, a personal thing that I had. I moved from New Orleans to Houston and you know, a lot of people don't know what career changes or careers I've ever had. And you know a truthfully, it's no one's business because it's decisions that I've made personally with my life, never asking anyone for their opinion. And maybe I was just raised to be a very strong woman who doesn't actually need confirmation from others, but I do fall into those traps at times. You know, we're all ask too many opinions on things or start searching the web for too many ideas. And then what happens when, when I get too many opinions or too many ideas or too much content, I don't do anything at all because I am afraid that I haven't gotten enough information. And my thing to everyone today, the one thing that I'm going to tell you that gets me through all of this stuff, is I always pull the trigger, regardless to whether or not it's the best idea or not. I Apologize Afterwards and to myself. Truthfully, there's no one else for me to apologize for when it comes down to making decisions from my personal life. And Yeah, there are moments that I realize that I've made the wrong decisions. But at the end of the day, we don't in at you know, some of us believe this and some of us don't, but you know, I am a sole believer in the fact that a lot of this stuff that we're doing in our lives, we're kind of like playing that book, those books, these adventure books that we used to have...

...when we were younger. You know, the ones that say like flip two, page three, flipped too, page five, Oh, you know, Oh, you're ending here, or okay, you can start again or whatever. But like every single decision we make, you know it's sometimes you can't avoid it. You were supposed to make that mistake because if you didn't make that mistake, you wouldn't be here. And like for me, man, I can't tell you how awesome like all of these scenarios and every bad situation and every good situation that has happened has led me to this point now in my life. In the reason why is because I have not allowed vulnerability and fear to guide me. You know, I had I had been afraid, had I had been have I let vulnerability win, I wouldn't be recording these episodes for this podcast now. I wouldn't be talking about the importance of women's empowerment. I wouldn't be giving you, guys, information and things that you can use and utilize in your lives, because I've proven to use these in mine. I wouldn't be sitting here interviewing some amazing women, like the next next week's episode with Vanessa asks. She's an actress in Hollywood right now who I happen to have met, you know, not too long ago, about twelve, sorry, about ten years ago. She's a sorority sister of mine and man, she's out there in La and she just talked and poured out about, you know, being vulnerable and learning self love and all these beautiful things. And I thought about after that interview. I was like, man, I have the opportunity to talk to people and get to their core or so they can share these beautiful stories with other people. Had I had not decided to press record, well, I had it not have been pushed essentially,...

...but had I not have decided to actually publish that episode and continue pushing forward, like I wouldn't be able to share these stories. I wouldn't have the opportunity to continue talking about all these things for people, you know. So one of the things I'm going to do today is I'm going to challenge you. If you're listening to this podcast episode, it's because you were supposed to be listening. It's because you're supposed to be listening to this because, for some reason or another, you feel like fear maybe overcoming or vulnerability by me overcoming some of the choices and the small things in your life that if you start today, in like five weeks from now, how different could your life look if you chose to say no vulnerability, no fear. Take a step away from those things and the moment you feel that, lean into that feeling. Lean into the feeling of vulnerability, because there's something beautiful on the other side of that. It's either a lesson or it's a positive move in the right direction. How many of us right now have something that's making us uncomfortable, to making you fear, that's making you feel vulnerable? Maybe you have a whole bunch of credit card debt. Maybe you have a crush on somebody that you know that you want to talk to, but you're like, you know, I don't, I don't know, maybe that guy's not interested. I'm going to challenge you today start, start small, and work your way on up to something bigger. But do something small today that makes you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Do this for the next five days and work your way on up to the large thing. So let's say today right. For those of us who work in an office, I'd say today would be your...

...first small vulnerability challenge. Go Up to the person that you're not necessarily friends with in your office or the person you don't know, and ask them something very small but very telling about themselves. Ask Him anything like that is actually a good question, like not hey, what's your middle name or something like that, ask them something more in depth. Hey, sally, you know I'm wanting to get to know some more of my co workers this week and I really I've been really interested in finding out, you know, like what drives you? What's your favorite motivator, like what you know? I'm trying to also figure out what drives me as well. You know, it could be something is profound or something is not as profound. Right as asking them like, you know, how many kids do you have? What's your kids names? You know, something simple, something more than what you would normally know about them, and dig more than just the surface, because that makes people feel really uncomfortable, to start asking some probing questions. But I'm challenging you today, if not your coworker, ask somebody that you know, text a friend, but get yourself in the habit of pushing past the fear of vulnerability, because what's the worst that Sally could say to you? I don't want to talk to you about my kids. No, that's not what's going to happen. But the point is is, if you start with something small and you challenge yourself every day to do that with someone else or something else. Small Talk to another person at the grocery store, actually make eye contact with someone in the elevator. My God, I'm in, in and out of elevators all day long, y'all, and I can't tell you how horrible it is that no people know I obviously I talk to people all the time. I get talk to a brick wall, but the people get in the elevators and don't even say good morning. Challengers said to say good morning to five people the next day after you talk to Sally. Challenge yourself to talk...

...to people, and I'm telling you, once you have the ability and you get yourself in motion, you start to notice more path turns about people in general and this stuff really starts to open up to you, because those people are not going to think you're crazy. There's actually a challenge in the four hour work week that I'm going to consider doing, and you guys are going to think I'm crazy for it, but he has this challenge in that book to me, Ferris, he says to lay down on the floor in front of your friends, don't tell them anything, lay down on the floor for five minutes and you do this in public places. Now, this is a very hard challenge for me because I'm in dress is like ninety five percent of a time. But I think I'm actually going to go out and try it and it's in. He says to do it anywhere and I think I want to actually try it out in a library because have to go get my library card. I'm getting tired of paying for online books, so I'm going to go get into a library card to get free books online. But but yeah, just lay down for five minutes and see what happens. And here's the crazy thing. If you lay down on the floor for five minutes anywhere, nothing's going to happen to you other than people looking at you crazy. They'll laugh it off and then they'll move on. Some of them might ask you what you're doing, but you're not going to get kicked out of the situation or anywhere that you're at, unless it's something weird, like I'm not telling you go like lay down the middle of an emergency room or anything crazy like that, or at your church or whatever. But like if you're at a fan my gathering, don't say anything to them. I mean, if you want to go that far, but challenge yourself to jump into that fear, because when you challenge yourself for five days, right, you're challenging yourself or five days, then you can work yourself up to the feeling of you know what, if I was able to do those five things now, I can...

...tackle the larger thing right, like if I was able to find out what Susie's kids names were, if I was able to talk to five people in the elevator, if I was able to ask the postman what his name is, if I was able to connect with more people and realize that we're all just here as community. That sense of fear, that sense of caring what other people think, it'll slowly start to come down. You know, I got a really awesome opportunity to interview my mom. I wouldn't even call it interview, but we played twenty questions. That's actually a pretty good thing to do too. But I knew I was listening to a podcast with Jay Chetty and he was talking about the importance of asking questions to your parents. I thought it was one of the most beautiful things because when I was growing up, my mother and I were not the closest and now, her and I have a pretty good relationship that we've worked on, and it has not come easy, I'll tell you, but it was my determination to make sure that I was going to have some sort of a communicating relationship with her. Well, she came to Houston to visit me and we did twenty questions, y'all, and when I tell you, by the time that was done, I was like, you know what, I am never going to be afraid to do anything or say anything ever again, because I was able to really dive deep with her and she was diving deep with me, where it's almost like our veils fell and we were looking at each other as humans, like as not mom and daughter, but people who have undergone a lot of things in life. And what that helps to do is like, why am I afraid? What am I afraid of? There's nothing to be afraid of, truthfully, because in her eyes, she now has seen me like she seen me,...

...and I think that's what people are really afraid of. It's like, why are you so afraid of people seeing you? Let them see you, because here's the thing. They also have something that they've done, that they've gone through, they've been in those situations as well. Just as much as you don't want to be rejected, the person that you're probably dealing with or whatever, they don't want to be rejected either, and so we're like these two young children playing this nonrejection game, and so it's just it's just so interesting. I really do recommend for you guys to sit down and play twenty questions with your parents. Start Light, like, you know, you start with something simples, like what's your favorite color? You'd be surprised. Sometimes we think we know somebody and then you start asking them these questions and it's all different. I was like, who you know? What's favorite color? Who's your favorite sibling? What was the favorite place that you lived in? Like simple stuff like that. But when you seriously start pulling away and you get into the more serious questions, I think one of the most beautiful questions we both asked each other was, you know, she asked me what I would have wanted her to do differently as a parent, and she and then I told her the same thing. You know, she asked me, she asked me, I asked her, and you be surprised. What's interesting about that answer? It wasn't what we would have thought the other person wanted to hear, not that the other person wanted to hear. We I would have never guessed that that was her explanation for for what she would have wanted me to do different in the same thing with her, you know. And it's just so interesting when you start to dive in and start to realize that at our core we really are so very similar. You guys. We are from the richest billionaire in the world to a person who is impoverished and homeless. We are all connected by a sense of community and in that we have foundations...

...which are, you know, to be loved, to be part of a community, to to just, you know, learn how to live with within the societal lifestyle that we live in. You know, it's just, I don't know, it's crazy. It's just like, at the core we truly do want to be we want to be loved and we don't want to be rejected and it is tough sometimes to come back from rejection. But I promise you, even in rejection there's beauty, because rejection just means no right now. It doesn't mean no forever, and that's something I teach a lot of people that I've worked with when I'm in sales. It's you know, rejection doesn't mean no, it just means no, not right now, and that can be applied to almost everything in life, except for those situations when no really does mean no. But yeah, that's exactly how I look at rejection now, and if I can look at it like that, it makes it more of a positive approach. Verse is looking at it in the pessimistic approach. So, with all of that, I'd like to tell you, guys, that I really do appreciate how many people have been listening to the podcast. You know, I've had over a thousand downloads in less than three months, and I keep saying in less than and less than and Lessban but I'm like you, guys, surprise me. I have been beyond excited to read your ratings, to read your reviews and to see your ratings and to see...

...the comments on the posts and to be reached out by all of these amazing people who have just been so fantastic when it comes down to like giving information getting information about podcasting. I haven't had anyone say no yet to an interview you guys, and that to me is like the biggest sign in the world that I'm on the right path in this journey that started three months ago when I decided to say no to my fear and, know, to the vulnerability that I was feeling because I was afraid of what other people were going to think about me, and because of all of you guys, I continue to put out this content. So I want to tell you all, every everyone who's listening out there, to my friends in India and my friends in Ireland and those in Canada and Puerto Rico in the US, everywhere that you're listening to this. I want to say a sincere thank you from the bottom of my heart because if it wasn't for you guys, I obviously wouldn't need to put this out here, because I didn't think at first that anybody wanted to hear it and I was like, what am I doing? I'm crazy, but you guys have shown me time and time again every single week that what I have to say and these interviews and all the content that I'm putting out here it makes sense because you want to hear it. So thank you, guys, so very much. Please make sure to share this podcast with your friends, with your girl friends. Let him know there's a Latina out here who's putting out some awesome content for her podcast called empowerment and all that. You have to listen. She's got some awesome gems that are dropped and make sure to rate and review the podcast and subscribe you all so you can get the fresh new episodes every Wednesday morning coming at you live, well, technically...

...not live, but coming at you first thing in the morning on Wednesday. And Yeah, you guys, I'm just I can't even tell you just how moved I have been by all the support and all the love that I've received from you guys. So thank you so very much, you guys. From the bottom of my heart, I truly, truly, truly thank you. If you want some more information on the PODCAST, please go to add empowerment and all that on instagram or www dot facebookcom forward slash empowerment and all that. And if you want to get some daily positive, uplifting quotes, you can follow my personal page on Facebook at Rita our ITA underscore bouti stuff be a U Tista one one. It'll be in the show notes to in case you're interested. But I try to be positive and uplifting on my instagram page because when I was undergoing, you know, just some pretty tough times, I made sure that when I was on Instagram, I was following nothing but like positive, motivational quotes. So I wanted to share the same thing in return for everyone and let you guys truly see just like how awesome it is to see some sort of positivity on your feed when sometimes, you know, social media can sometimes be kind of negative. So, anyway, long story short, check me out on instagram. Make sure to follow either empowerment and all that on instagram or my personal instagram page. And Yeah, if you guys have any any, any, any like feedback what you want to hear. Hey, Rita, do you have any tips on, you know, motivation, inspiration, you know, business tips? I can try to find...

...some amazing women who are just killing it out here. I can get some awesome tips from them too, you know. So if you have any type of, you know, episode that you want to hear, if you know of somebody that you think would be great to be on the PODCAST, please share it with me. You can either do dm me at empowerment and all that, or you can send me an email empowerment and all that at GMAILCOM. All right, guys, so make sure to keep it positive. Have a wonderful week and I hope you guys all enjoyed this episode as much as I enjoyed recording it for you. So the next time, thanks for tuning in to empowerment and all that podcast with your host read of Futista. Want to help me grow the listener tribe. Make sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on instagram and facebook under empowerment and all that, and remember, keep it positive or don't keep it at all.

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